Friday Random Ten: welcoming the new Volvo edition

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 9, 2008
in Friday Random Ten
. 1 Comment

I’m really, really diggin’ the new Volvo that came to live at our place this week. It’s name, of course, is Ingmar. I know two other people with Volvos named Ingmar, and one with a Volvo named Ingrid, but damn it all, it’s just right.

A very busy weekend with family in from various places, and lots of grading and running to do. And I make no apologies for loving #6 on this list. I sang it in my junior high school choir.

1. “Come On, Come On”, Mary Chapin-Carpenter
2. “Malibu”, Hole
3. “I Bid You Goodnight”, Aaron Neville
4. “Over the Hills”, Lucy Kaplansky
5. “Postcards from Mexico”, Girlyman
6. “Annie’s Song”, John Denver
7. “Strong Hand” (for June), Emmylou Harris
8. “Walk Forever by My Side”, The Alarm
9. “Foolish You”, Kate and Anna McGarrigle
10. “Polyester Bride”, Liz Phair

Bonus Track: “Underneath your Clothes”, Shakira

On “Warrior Girls”, knee injuries, and the tangible costs of adolescent perfectionism: some thoughts on Michael Sokolove’s article

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 8, 2008
in Athletics and Fitness, Body, Favorite Posts 2008, Mentoring, Sports, The Martha Complex: perfectionism in adolescent girls and Youth
. 7 Comments

The New York Times has a preview up today of a long article coming out on Sunday in their magazine: The Uneven Playing Field. It’s by Michael Sokolove, and based on his forthcoming book Warrior Girls: Protecting our Daughters Against the Injury Epidemic in Women’s Sports. (I’ve pre-ordered the book, and will review it this summer when it comes out.)

In this lengthy adaptation on the Times website, Sokolove writes about what he sees as the extraordinary number of knee (ACL) injuries that are being sustained by female athletes, soccer players in particular. His thesis:

(the epidemic is) part of a national trend in the wake of Title IX and the explosion of sports participation among girls and young women. From travel teams up through some of the signature programs in women’s college sports, women are suffering injuries that take them off the field for weeks or seasons at a time, or sometimes forever.

Girls and boys diverge in their physical abilities as they enter puberty and move through adolescence. Higher levels of testosterone allow boys to add muscle and, even without much effort on their part, get stronger. In turn, they become less flexible. Girls, as their estrogen levels increase, tend to add fat rather than muscle. They must train rigorously to get significantly stronger. The influence of estrogen makes girls’ ligaments lax, and they outperform boys in tests of overall body flexibility — a performance advantage in many sports, but also an injury risk when not accompanied by sufficient muscle to keep joints in stable, safe positions. Girls tend to run differently than boys — in a less-flexed, more-upright posture — which may put them at greater risk when changing directions and landing from jumps. Because of their wider hips, they are more likely to be knock-kneed — yet another suspected risk factor.

The rate (of ACL injury) for women’s soccer is 0.25 per 1,000, or 1 in 4,000, compared with 0.10 for male soccer players. The rate for women’s basketball is 0.24, more than three times the rate of 0.07 for the men. The A.C.L. injury rate for girls may be higher — perhaps much higher — than it is for college-age women because of a spike that seems to occur as girls hit puberty.

At this point, my heart was sinking. Was this going to be anti-feminist ideology dressed up as professed concern for the health of young women? Was Sokolove trying to scare parents into pulling their daughters out of competitive sports? I even wondered if Sokolove was some sort of shill for the anti-Title IX crowd, trying a new tactic in their never-ending crusade to roll back a policy of equal funding for women’s sports. As a passionate sports fan, married to a former club soccer star, I have a deep and abiding commitment to women’s athletics — particularly the “beautiful game” of what the rest of the world calls football.

Happily, reading the article to the end (it is ten pages long) makes it at least fairly apparent that Sokolove is committed to women’s sports. Rather than imploring parents to pull their daughters off soccer teams, he writes sensibly and knowledgeably about the causes of what is undeniably a common problem: catastrophic ACL injuries among young female soccer players. The chief culprits have nothing to do with inherent feminine weakness. Rather, they are two-fold: poor bio-mechanics and the exhausting “club” system in high school and college that leaves many talented girls playing a demanding sport literally year-round. Continue reading ‘On “Warrior Girls”, knee injuries, and the tangible costs of adolescent perfectionism: some thoughts on Michael Sokolove’s article’

Of cell phones and the Pill, tuition and travel, wealth and diversification: some random economicky thoughts

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 8, 2008
in Class and Money
. 3 Comments

My splendid cousin Ted, a marketing major at CSU Chico, comments on the increasing recognition that the current economic slowdown impacts the poor and the middle-class more than the wealthy.

I recently made a presentation to my Sales Force Management class, where as I played the newly appointed V.P. of sales. I had to convince the CEO that we needed to switch from the low-end market for wristwatches( this is an arbitrary product that was assigned to me) to the high-end market, like Rolex and Bulova. The premise for my reasoning was mainly the impending recession that our country has fallen into, and that only the high-end market will stay profitable at a constant rate. This poses an interesting question of why do the the consumers with plenty of discretionary income continue to have some cash? How could the recession of an entire economy only hurt the low income citizens?

I’m not an economist; in our family, it’s my wife who manages both our money and, in her business management firm, other people’s as well. But I’m fortunate enough to go back and forth between very different economic worlds quite frequently. My students — and I am close to many of them — are, like so many community college students, economically very vulnerable. Most, however, are not homeowners; perhaps more importantly, most who live at home live in rentals rather than “owned” homes. In an odd way, many have been able to weather the worst aspects of the “credit crunch” because for them and their families, home-ownership is often an as-yet unattained aspiration. Though rents have not come down as fast as house prices, they have stabilized in Los Angeles County as the economy tries to absorb the massive increase in housing stock. Purely anecdotally, this has actually benefitted my students who live in apartments more than those whose parents recently (since, say, the run-up of the early part of the decade) purchased a home. In this sense, the “lower-middle” is getting squeezed more than the “bottom.” Continue reading ‘Of cell phones and the Pill, tuition and travel, wealth and diversification: some random economicky thoughts’

Thursday Short Poem: Simmonds’ “The Woman who…”

Published
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Hugo Schwyzer
on May 8, 2008
in Poetry
. 1 Comment

The cultural references are heavily English, but the sentiments are nigh-on universal. Kathryn Simmonds describes more than one woman whom I know.

The Woman who Worries Herself to Death

She wasn’t robbed or raped or made a scapegoat of,
she didn’t take ill-fated flights on shaky planes and

no one splashed her house in paint. Kids with hoods
and sovereign rings and hates left her alone. That twinge

she sometimes felt was just a twinge. Her fillings didn’t
leak. At office dos she danced and no one laughed.

Her children didn’t have disorders, fail exams,
take smack. Her husband didn’t love his secretary

or get the sack. But, if you saw her fidgeting
towards the dawn, her breathing playing tricks,

a thousand what ifs snaking in a queue, you’d feel for her,
you’d wish she had something to pin her torment to.

Economic slowdown anecdotes

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 7, 2008
in Money
. 11 Comments

Further signs of a declining local economy. At my boxing gym, attendance at classes has gone down substantially while demand for private training has stayed level. The owner of the gym theorized that those who only attend classes (at $15 per pop) are more likely to be vulnerable to economic fluctuations than those who can afford private sessions ($60-$90 per hour.) The notable drop in class attendance over the past three or four months, and the comparable stability of the private client pool, seems to bear this out.

I called my local tux shop today as well. One of these days, I’ll get around to buying a really nice vegan tuxedo, but for now, I just rent a standard black tie outfit for the three or four annual occasions for which I need one. (I’ve got an event coming up in ten days or so.) I know the fellow who owns the shop, and he lamented that business had been slow. Just as many wedding parties to kit out, but slightly lower attendance at black and white tie charity galas has been taking a toll.

At the Mobil station on Del Mar and Arroyo Parkway (one of my favorites), regular unleaded gas is $4.12. But the streets are as crowded as ever.

“Dispatches from Flyover Country”

Published
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Hugo Schwyzer
on May 7, 2008
in Politics
. 0 Comments

I have never been to Indiana. Lauren Bruce of Feministe and Faux Real Tho (and designer of this blog) is a native daughter, and she has a terrific piece in the Prospect this week. It’s a vital corrective to the stereotype-laden coverage that has saturated the media in the days leading up to Tuesday’s primary.

“I’m not here to be anyone’s babysitter”: some reflections on older women, younger men

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 7, 2008
in Older women and younger men
. 14 Comments

Got an email a week or so ago from “Dana”:

I am 40, single and loving it. I am not ready to settle down yet but I realized a while ago that I am starting on that path. I look much younger than I am. Most people think I’m in my 20’s (Thank you Mom and Dad!) and both my age and the way I look have had some interesting effects. Over the past few years I’ve found it harder and harder to find men my age who want a romantic relationship with a woman *my* age. They all seem to want that young under-30 type of woman. I’m at the point where almost all the men I date are 10+ years younger than I am! In general, I have no problem with it (or the opposite scenario). I get along fabulously with people (male or female) who are younger than I am, but I do find the generation gap (and there is one!) to be somewhat irritating at times. They’re fun to date but I can’t imagine settling down with someone who lacks so much life experience. I have no desire to be anyone’s mother or babysitter.

I had a similar conversation recently with an old friend, my age (and Dana’s). Single again after a twelve-year marriage, she’s recently been repeatedly “hit on” by her daughter’s soccer coach — a handsome lad in his late twenties, well over a decade her junior. My friend is flattered and physically attracted, but said essentially the same thing Dana did: she has no desire to be anyone’s mother, teacher, or babysitter. “I’m not here to give anyone experience”, she says. Continue reading ‘“I’m not here to be anyone’s babysitter”: some reflections on older women, younger men’

Mildred Loving

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 6, 2008
in Marriage and Race
. 2 Comments

Mildred Loving has died. It was Loving — born Mildred Jeter — who with her husband Richard challenged Virginia’s anti-miscegenation law, and eventually won the landmark case of Loving v. Virginia in the year I was born, 1967. She and her husband were lucky in love and lucky in their surname, but not lucky in longevity. Mildred Loving was but 68 when she died, and her beloved Richard died decades ago in a car accident.

I’m keenly aware that there was a time within living memory when my wife and I could not have been married in most U.S. states. Sixty years ago this October, the California Supreme Court struck down the Golden State’s laws against mixed-race marriages, leading to their gradual repeal across the country and the final victory in the Loving case nineteen years later. If my wife and I were the age of my grandparents, our marriage would have been invalid under the laws of this state and most others; if we had been the age of my parents (who married in 1964) and living in Virginia, we might too have faced arrest or “deportation” of the sort the Lovings faced. It’s a queer thought.

So many of my students today happily date across racial lines; so many successful marriages in my family today are between folks of widely disparate backgrounds. I rejoice that this blending of color and culture has become so easy and so natural. I rejoice too in the sacrifice and the courage of couples like Mildred and Richard Loving, and am happy to think of them together again — at last — this day.

I am happy also to note that in her last public statement, as reported by the New York Times, Loving, with her unique moral authority on the subject, called for the right to marry to be extended to gays and lesbians.

American foreign policy, still a potential force for good: in support of I-VAWA

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 6, 2008
in Aggression and violence, Foreign Policy and Global Feminism
. 2 Comments

McKenzie at Women Thrive writes to alert me about the International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA), introduced in the House just last Thursday by Southern California’s own Howard Berman (D-Panorama City). A similar proposal was introduced in the senate last year by Joe Biden (D-Del.) and Dick Lugar (R-Ind.), showing bipartisan support.

The good news is that violence against women is preventable and that there are proven solutions that work. The International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA), if passed, would, for the first time, comprehensively incorporate these solutions into all U.S. foreign assistance programs - solutions such as promoting women’s economic opportunity, addressing violence against girls in school, and working to change public attitudes. Among other things, the IVAWA would make ending violence against women a diplomatic priority for the first time in U.S. history. It would require the U.S. government to respond to critical outbreaks of gender-based violence in armed conflict - such as the mass rapes now occuring in the Democratic Republic of Congo - within two months. And by investing in local women’s organizations overseas that are succesfully working to reduce violence in their communities, the IVAWA would have a huge impact on reducing poverty - freeing millions of women in poor countries to lift themselves, their families, and their communities out of poverty.

Find out more here. (PDF-file)

I haven’t yet read any criticism from the left of IVAWA (and yes, I’ve done a google blogsearch.) There are those in lefty circles who are profoundly suspicious of the idea of utilizing the State Department — and, potentially, the Defense Department — to advance women’s rights. Laura Bush’s claims that the USA liberated Afghan women have begun to ring hollow with the retrenchment of conservative forces in that country, and it’s clear that talk of “letting girls go to school” was part of a very effective pro-war propaganda strategy. One reason why progressives were generally so much more supportive of the Afghan war than the Iraq adventure had to do, I think, with a sense that Afghan women desperately needed liberation from the Taliban in a way that Iraqi women did not need freeing from the far more enlightened, albeit still-thuggish Baathists.

I would not like to think that IVAWA would give cover to more internationalist adventurism. As satisfying an idea as it is to send the 101st Airborne ’round the globe to liberate women from oppression, the well-documented result is that the “liberators” usually replace one form of violence (often familial) with another (military). Freeing a woman from an abusive husband by turning her into a widow is hardly the best way to promote global justice.

Of course, I agree with groups like Women Thrive that part of progressive action is shaping and directing American foreign policy. Global change cannot come through the churches and NGOs alone. Protecting women and girls from violence ought to be a stated U.S. interest, and I like the idea of tying aid directly to measurable improvements in women’s living conditions. Without resorting to military action, there is much that the USA can do to transform the lives of the oppressed and marginalized for the better. For those who despair about the foreign policy of our country, I-VAWA is a reminder that there is much good that we can yet do collectively, as a people and a nation. I’m glad that the bill has bipartisan backing, and urge folks to write or call their elected representatives in support.

“A man getting a gender studies major is most likely to be gay”: on the importance of refuting that problematic stereotype

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 5, 2008
in Feminist Pedagogy, GLBTQ and Men and Masculinity
. 24 Comments

Frederick sends me a link to this article from last week’s University of Chicago paper: Men find Academic Home in Gender Studies.

Sexuality, masculinity, and interracial pornography have held particular allure for David Klein since high school, but only after coming to the U of C did Klein find a theoretical framework for talking about his interests.

“Theories of gender and sexuality have a part in everything. I think queer theory has a lot to offer in terms of frameworks for looking at the world,” said Klein, who is a second-year in the College.

Klein is one of only three undergraduate men currently declared as gender studies majors at the University.

Since the creation of the major in 1996, men have comprised around 20 percent of undergraduate gender studies majors. However, with an average of only four undergraduate gender studies majors per year, the small department often graduates classes without any men at all.

Men historically make up around 10-15% of the students in my women’s history class. They make up around 45% of the students in my men and masculinity course, 40% of the students in my “beauty and the body” class, and traditionally make up about half of my gay and lesbian history survey. We don’t have formally declared majors at the community college, of course. I do know, however, that I’ve been successful in “converting” a number of students to a Women’s Studies/Gender Studies track after transfer. But of those students who do transfer on as Gender Studies majors, most– about 80% — are women. It’s one thing to get guys to take the classes, and another thing altogether to get them to make it the focus of their academic careers. Continue reading ‘“A man getting a gender studies major is most likely to be gay”: on the importance of refuting that problematic stereotype’

Tender-hearted in Tehama County: a weekend at Farm Sanctuary

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 5, 2008
in Animal Rights, Traveling and Veganism
. 5 Comments

My wife and I spent the weekend up in Northern California. (Parenthetically, we really were in Northern California this time, up in Butte, Glenn, and Tehama counties. Like most southlanders, I tend to refer to the Bay Area as “Northern” California when that region is, clearly, closer to the center. My childhood homes in coastal Monterey and rural Alameda counties are almost as close to Mexico as they are to the Oregon border.)

We went up north to attend the spring hoe-down at Farm Sanctuary, which has rapidly become one of our favorite charities. I’ll get pictures up tonight or tomorrow of some of the pigs, geese, goats, sheep, turkeys, rabbits and cows with whom we bonded. We also got to meet vegan animal activists from all across the West, enjoy some delicious food, and hear some inspiring and moving speeches about the next steps for both Farm Sanctuary in particular and the animal rights movement in general. Continue reading ‘Tender-hearted in Tehama County: a weekend at Farm Sanctuary’

Friday Random Ten: off to Orland edition

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 2, 2008
in Friday Random Ten
. 3 Comments

That’s off to Orland, not Orlando. Reasons why on Monday; I’ll be incommunicado for the weekend. #2 and #6 are covers, both of which I confess I often prefer to the originals.

1. “Spectacular Views”, Rilo Kiley
2. “Sin City”, Dwight Yoakam
3. “Your Life is Now”, John Mellencamp
4. “Tangled and Wild”, Oh Susanna
5. “Lost in the Supermarket”, the Clash
6. “Ol’ 55″, Don Campbell
7. “Tonight You’re Gonna Lose Me”, The Lonesome Sisters
8. “Sunny Day”, Deana Carter
9. “Take a Chance with Me”, Roxy Music
10. “Country Comfort”, Elton John

Bonus Track: “Sweet Savannah”, Shooter Jennings

Learning to rest within the run: on mindfulness, the mountains, and taking a tumble on El Prieto

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 1, 2008
in Athletics and Fitness
. 2 Comments

For the first time in a year and a half, I had a good hard fall while running this afternoon. (For those who know the area, I ran from the Windsor road parking lot up to the Sunset trail on Mt. Lowe via the El Prieto trail and the Millard campground.) Flying down El Prieto, my mind wandering on to a variety of topics, I caught my right foot on a rock and went sprawling. I had just enough time to twist over to absorb most of the impact on my right shoulder, but my right wrist and knee also hit the ground very hard.

I got the wind knocked out of me, and I lay there, alone, for a stunned moment. The ritual after a fall is always the same: turn off my stopwatch (always the first thing, as we must have a proper time for the run at the end), then start checking for injuries. There’s always that moment of great fear that I have seriously hurt myself, and will be stuck on a trail until someone comes along. And of course, the greatest and most immediate anxiety is that I won’t be able to run again for a while.

Since I started serious trail running ten years ago, I’ve had maybe a dozen minor falls and four or five fairly serious ones. A serious fall is one which causes me to miss at least one day of running as a consequence. I’m not unaware of the far more significant dangers. I was raised on the legend of my grandfather’s beloved first cousin, Walter “Pete” Starr, who famously died from a fall in the Sierras in 1933 after authoring a still-serviceable guide to those mountains. In April 2000, my running buddy Dave Trinkle died in a fall off the Mt. Wilson trail after (typically) ignoring warning signs about a decaying area of trail. These men are often in my mind when I’m running, especially by myself, in remote or dangerous areas. Mind you, I don’t take major risks! But there are dangers in the mountains that I love, and both family lore and my own memories of Dave remind me constantly that I have an obligation to balance that passion for running on dirt with some common sense.

I wasn’t hurt at all today, other than some scrapes and bruises. I did take the lesson of the fall seriously, however. I usually fall going uphill, when I’m less attentive; normally, I’m very careful on descents (which is normally when serious accidents occur.) Today, I fell because my mind was elsewhere. And as I got up gingerly and brushed myself off, I said “Okay, God, I get it. I need to pay attention.” I’m a good pray-er and a lousy meditator. As I ran the final three miles back to the car, I watched my foot placement very carefully. I also recited the one meditation that consistently works for me, from Psalm 46: Be Still and Know I am God. I say the line three times, and then drop the last word, repeat the shortened line three times, and so forth until in the end I’m just reciting, over and over again, “Be.” (I dispense with the “and” and the “know” at the same time.) It works when I’m quiet on the couch, and yes, it works when I’m running.

In one of his most famous poems, former U.S. poet Laureate Richard Wilbur wrote about the legendary Boston marathoner Johnny Kelley. His description of how Kelley worked the course was perfect, a reminder of how it is that I want to run — and indeed must run, if I am to stay safe, sane, healthy, and alive:

Legs driving, fists at port, clenched faces, men,
And in amongst them, stamping on the sun,
Our champion Kelley, who would win again,
Rocked in his will, at rest within his run.

I long for nothing more than to be rocked in my will, and at rest within my run. To remember how to do that well, I apparently need the occasional fall.

Some thoughts on teens, driving, and helicopter parents

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 1, 2008
in Family and Youth
. 32 Comments

Back in February, the New York Times ran a story that jived well with what I had already begun to notice: Fewer Youths Jump Behind the Wheel at Sixteen. The opening of the article summarizes the reasons:

For generations, driver’s licenses have been tickets to freedom for America’s 16-year-olds, prompting many to line up at motor vehicle offices the day they were eligible to apply. In the last decade, the proportion of 16-year-olds nationwide who hold driver’s licenses has dropped from nearly half to less than one-third, according to statistics from the Federal Highway Administration.

Reasons vary, including tighter state laws governing when teenagers can drive, higher insurance costs and a shift from school-run driver education to expensive private driving academies.

To that mix, experts also add parents who are willing to chauffeur their children to activities, and pastimes like surfing the Web that keep them indoors and glued to computers.

I turned sixteen in 1983. I took the test for my learner’s permit promptly at 15 1/2, took the (free) driver’s ed course in high school, and got my license within weeks of hitting my 16th birthday. As I will turn 41 later this month, I am rapidly approaching a quarter-century of licensed driving. (I tried to calculate last week about how many miles I had driven in those 25 years. These days, I average only 12,000 miles per year, which is low by Southern California standards. In earlier years, when I had a longer commute, I drove easily twice that. I’d guess that I’ve logged somewhere around 400,000 miles so far in the USA and Britain.) When I was in high school, as virtually any American adult over 30 will tell you, a driver’s license was a much-longed for rite of passage, a crucial demarcation line for adulthood. The only people I knew who didn’t have their license by their 17th birthday were those who had either repeatedly failed the test or those whose visual disabilities made it impossible for them to drive.

But it is not so today. The Times notes that rising insurance and gas costs have played a part, and I don’t doubt that economics are a factor. Many states have placed onerous restrictions on teen drivers, limiting when and with whom they can operate a motor vehicle. When I got licensed 25 years ago, there were no such restrictions. In the early ’80s, a teen in California could load up a car with a dozen friends and drive them around at midnight. No mandatory seatbelt law, either. Continue reading ‘Some thoughts on teens, driving, and helicopter parents’

Thursday Short Poem: a section from Newman’s “Coitus Interruptus”

Published
by
Hugo Schwyzer
on May 1, 2008
in Poetry
. 0 Comments

This is the first time I’ve ever put up a poem on Thursday by someone who is a friend on Facebook. Richard Jeffrey Newman’s collection The Silence of Men has been on my shelf for a while, and it’s to my discredit that I’ve taken so long to plug it and to put up one of his offerings as a Thursday Short Poem. Newman writes in a style that recalls Sharon Olds, particularly in his reflections on the body, sex, and death — but his worldview is of the deep masculine. Both tender and unsentimental, he’s produced an interesting and memorable collection. I recommend picking up a copy.

One of my favorite pieces is a long one, “Coitus Interruptus”. I’m putting up the opening section here. We’ve been talking a lot about white privilege in the feminist blogosphere lately; re-reading this poem earlier this week, I saw something here I hadn’t seen before, something about the ways in which racist reality both impinges upon — and leaves untouched — white existence.

From Coitus Interruptus

Naked at the window, my wife calls me
as if someone is dying, and someone
almost is, pinned to the concrete face down
beneath the fists and feet and knees of three

policemen. I’m still hard from before she
jumped out of bed to answer the question
I was willing not to ask when the siren
stopped on our block, but now I’m here and I see

the man is Black, and how can I not
bear witness? They’ve cuffed him
but the uniforms continue to crowd our street,
and the blue and whites keep coming

as if called to war, as if the lives
in all these darkened homes
were truly at stake, and that’s the thing —
who can tell from up here — maybe

we’re watching our salvation
without knowing it. Above our heads,
a voice calls out “Fucking pigs!”
but the ones who didn’t drag the man

into a waiting car and drive off
refuse the bait. They talk quietly
gathered beneath the streetlamp
in the pale circle of light

the man was beaten in, and then
a word we cannot hear is given
and the cops wave each other back
to their vehicles, the sparkle and flash

of their driving off
throwing onto the wall of our room
a shadow of the embrace
my wife and I have been clinging to.

Thank God for those who willing to answer the questions that I too am often willing not to ask.