Jenell Paris has received a message for the four-legged disobedient ones within her household; happily, she shares it with us. Read it now; here’s a chilling excerpt:
Today is the day of repentance! The Day is approaching when repentance will be no more, and I will gather my faithful into my arms, and send the faithless out into the alleys where there is no Iams, no blankets, no radiators, and the heartworm dieth not. Stop your fur-chewing today, while you still have a chance!
It is fortunate that chinchillas are not mentioned in Scripture. Chinchillas are rodents, however, and thus ought to be seen as an oppressed class. From earliest times, felines have preyed upon them, as often for sport as for food. The connection between sin, oppression, and “felinity” is nicely captured in Zephaniah:
Woe to the city of oppressors,
rebellious and defiled!
She obeys no one,
she accepts no correction.
She does not trust in the LORD ,
she does not draw near to her God.
Her officials are roaring lions…
I don’t even need to mention the big cats in Daniel, do I?
We know where sheep go, we know where goats go, and increasingly, I become certain that I know where those who prey on innocent rats and mice will go if they do not repent and turn from evil.
That’s why I prefer dogs. Cats are inherently not nice - plus they make my eyes itch and swell up and make my skin break out in a rash.
I’ve always liked cats’ attitudes.
I’ve had a cat (named Hugo as you might well remember) for 12 years. Hugo grew up with dogs and thus never really acted like cat. I think he always thought he was dog, just smaller. Recently, due to a negligent neighbor, I have acquired a new cat, Jessie.. Jessie is 100% evil cat. Sure she’s cute and soft and can be sweet as all get up, but then someone or something (I think Satan) whispers something in her cute little ear, she goes off. One minute she’s all “pet me, i’m so cute” and the next she’s mauling my arm, sinking her claws and teeth into my flesh until I cry out in pain. She hides behind doors, waiting for an unsuspecting dog to walk by before waging a full-fledged special forces style sneak attack. She growls when she eats, which makes me glad that she isn’t any bigger or she would surely have me for lunch. She’s a cruel, cruel hunter that brings me half dead baby birds that she robbed from their nests, lizards with no tails, mice that appear to be sleeping and grasshoppers with their wings ripped off. I am horrified by her, but I love her, because when she is not evil she is pure heaven. Sweet and cuddly and funny. Maybe old Ashcroft was right, and cats really are the minions of the devil (as I read in Vanity Fair recently). Though I hate to conceed any point to Mr. Asscraft. He’s probably just jealous.
I just learned that my great-uncle bred chinchillas. I suppose this was for their fur…? Is that bad? I also heard that J.Lo has a chinchilla coat that she really likes.
When I was in Paris, I saw a chinchilla eating a croissant. No lie.
Chinnies eat everything. Don’t even speak to me, Jenell, about chinchilla coats. It makes me heartsick. I will lose my famous sense of charity when confronted by anyone who wishes to defend owning such an article.
Yes, chinnies are deliciously, sensuously, marvelously soft… but that softness can only be enjoyed when beneath it beats the heart of a happy and well-fed little bundle of rodent love.