I’ve never had a problem with venting my anger (and neither did anyone in my family - we argued ALL of the time, and it was fun in a way), but it was never malicious. We would scream at each other about something and then 2 seconds later say “OK, so are we going to go out for a movie or what?” And, after that nobody ever thought about it again. I’ve lived my entire life that way, and I can tell you, it’s a very free life. I’ve always believed that is why I have never held grudges. Stuff gets said, and then you get over it. And, it’s not like people who have malicious fights…there’s no malice in this sort of “fighting” (or, “very heated banter”). It seems out of control, but really it isn’t. People who have good fights from time to time do much better in life than people who don’t. It’s like playing a sport when you’re all wound up inside. The “exercise” gets all that anxiety out. But, it requires other people who understand that kind of behavior, which, from my observation, most WASP Christians in America don’t.

When you look at the OT, you have a whole host of people who got MAD at God. Not righteous anger, not holy anger, they were just pissed off people, and p-oed at GOD! And, God in general never really chided them for expressing their anger. He may have chided them for the issue that was causing the anger, but not the anger itself. Job is absolutely the best example of this. At one point, he tells God (and I’m paraphrasing): “Why don’t you just get the heck out of here and leave me alone, so all of this trouble can leave me and I can die in peace. Because with You around, it’s not going to happen.” God didn’t chide him for that. He chided him for thinking that somehow he was supposed to get everything he wanted in life, and that all of his good works actually amounted to something. If you read closely God’s response to Job, you’ll notice there was ALWAYS the assumption of relationship. Never was there the threat that Job wasn’t a part of His family. The ones that God REALLY chides are Bildad, Zophar, and Eliphaz, and he was VERY mad at them, because he treated them like they were “outsiders”.

Most people who don’t express their anger are afraid that it somehow expressing it will cause a breach of relationship. I’ve found that the only people who feel that way about anger are people who don’t express it very much. I get angry and then 10 seconds later I’m not angry any more. If someone apologizes, I accept it. If they don’t…whatever. I’m not going to worry about their lack of ability to accept an apology.

I like Jake’s remembrance of the Greek gatherings. I love Greeks for exactly this reason. My fiancee has tons of Greek friends (some of whom are Christian) and we sit and fight and argue about everything, constantly interrupting each other, and everyone has a good time. If someone get’s hurt, we apologize and give them a big kiss. Like my Jewish friends. I don’t have that with most of my Christian friends, unfortunately. In general, they don’t know how to get mad and have a good fight without taking it so personally. They see it as a breach. Me, I hardly ever take something personally when someone is angry at me. I just apologize for mea culpa and get on with it, because I don’t assume that because that person is mad at me, that our relationship is broken.

So, to me it’s a cultural thing, not a Christian one. And, as far as Jesus with the moneychangers is concerned: remember, Jesus was Jewish, not Greek. He wasn’t a stoic (which has been rightly identified as the greatest threat to Christianity ever to exist).

So, Hugo, my suggestion is: go hang around some Jews or Greeks (or Italians, or any of the “hot-blooded” peoples. Don’t hang around any more Germans, Poles, Czechs, or other cold-weather people for a while). It’ll be good immersion therapy for you. If you want to be able to keep up with them, you’re going to have to learn how to fight, get mad, talk loudly and get over it all in less than 5 minutes. It’s good practice!

Last thing: Here’s a little saying I have about emotions (both the good ones and the bad ones): “Emotions are like the weather: they are the sky above my head, not the earth beneath my feet.”

Cheers,

Neil

P.S. - I think you’ve convinced me to do a post about this in much more detail…It’s a great topic. Cheers!

Good stuff, and an issue that I’m working with in my life as well. Speaking as a non-confrontational nice guy (or ‘wuss’), I find it really easy to sidestep anger or not express it, especially when it’s under the rubric of Christian compassion. And sometimes that’s very appropriate. Other times, though, not expressing the anger just lets it fester; many times I’ve found myself trying to work through resentment or passive-aggressive behavior because I’m so uncomfortable just saying “Look, what you did really pissed me off.”

On the other end of the spectrum, though, there is a potential problem with expressing one’s anger too much. I always wince a little when I hear someone talk about ‘righteous anger.’ Like other commenters, I’ve found that people are quite willing to use ‘righteous’ anger as a smokescreen to cover their ‘regular’ anger. I remember something Peter Nixon (of the late lamented Sursum Corda) posting something about Christians who ‘fall in love with their own state of perpetual rage,’ and I thought that had the ring of truth. If you’re always right, well, then your anger is always justified, and you never have to examine yourself to see if your temper needs to be checked.

I’m still trying to strike a balance between acknowleding that the anger is there, and that it needs to be dealt with, but also following the example of Christ, who (I believe) probably felt a great deal of anger, but didn’t let it rule him or overtake his compassion.

Cap

When anger\’s attached to *your* idea of right, wrong, or what should be done, then it\’s probably not very productive. It\’s anger issuing straight from the ego, and as such is probably not in touch with what a situation needs.

Anger that comes from compassion–like a mother\’s anger when her child rushes out into the street, or a mother bear\’s anger when something threatens her cub–is not the same. It\’s anger coming from concern for the welfare of others, not from self-concern. This anger is often very appropriate. There\’s a story about my grand-teacher, Zen Master Seung Sahn, told by Zen Master Dae Bong, who used to attend to ZM Seung Sahn. Seung Sahn Sunim often received phone calls in his room from American students wanting advice. He would say, \”Put it down\” several times, in a normal tone of voice–but if the caller persisted in remaining attached to his or her situation, Seung Sahn Sunim would scream into the phone, \”PUT IT DOWN!\” and sounding very angry.

He explained once to Dae Bong ZM, \”They have strong attachments, so I have to put strong energy *in*.\” Anger, when used effectively, can shock someone(s) into proper action. Jesus did just this with the money-changers. People had become so complacent about the temple and so lax about what the temple\’s true function was, they needed some \”strong energy IN\” to understand what was happening. Jesus was, I believe, a compassionate man, and capabable of compassionate anger and even wrath.

Of course, if we don\’t know where our anger is coming from–attachment or compassion–then it\’s best to practice patience. Patience can mean being willing to hear other people\’s anger out, however; in order to clearly see a situation, sometimes you have to let someone yell–or know when to cut them off, rather than retreating, avoiding, or unskillfully silencing someone.

Best of luck–my anger remains a constant source of \”practice opportunities\” to let go of my agenda and ask, \”How can I really help here?\”

I can give such advise, but you won’t think it’s Jesus style. And who is the authority in telling whether or not something is ‘Jesus style’ or not? Does the Pope qualify?

Anyway, whether it is getting angry or trying to make peace, first thing you do is acknowledge the person. That’s what Jesus did. Jesus paid attention to people, whether he liked their actions or not. Without paying attention, there is no respect, no civility, and no compassion.

Great comments — I especially appreciate XRLQ’s reminder of the importance of cool-headed opposition, Jake’s reminder of the importance of passion, and Camassia’s distinction between anger and refusing to avoid conflict. Keep it comin.