I’ll confess I have felt a little out of sorts all week, and I’m fully aware that sugar is the culprit. From Saturday (the day of my Dad’s birthday party), through Easter Sunday and on till last night, I’ve been surrounded by cakes and cookies and an abundance of candy. I share on the blog (and in a passing reference in class) my love for peeps — and students bring me still more peeps. And I eat them. I promise myself only one box of peeps — and then I eat three in one sitting.
I’ve felt weak and light-headed for several days; today I need to restrict a bit and stay away from the sweet stuff. Thanks to the holiday, I won’t be near the temptations that linger in my departmental "party room", and that is a blessing.
Last night in youth group, we talked about body image. Experience with youth groups and college students has taught me that there is no more difficult topic to raise with young people than weight and appearance. It’s relatively easy, by comparison, to talk about drugs and sex. Most kids are able to distance themselves (somewhat) from a discussion on drugs and alcohol; the teens love the weeks where we engage in frank, open dialogue about sexuality. But talking about the body is much harder. After all, we live in a culture which demands physical perfection of the very young, both boys and girls. It would be a rare teen indeed (I have yet to meet one) who could go through adolescence entirely immune from those pressures.
We talked at some length last night about where it is our kids learn about the "ideal body." Some simply said the "media" or "peers", others named specific magazines, television shows, and celebrities. (America’s Next Top Model seems to be the culprit de jour in fostering this anxiety.) We talked about the bodies they long to have. (The most commonly named women’s bodies that our teen girls desired: Mary-Kate Olson, Paris Hilton, and Cristina Aguilera. For the boys, it was Vin Diesel and — shock of all shocks to me — Sylvester Stallone! The age discrepancy between the boys’ and girls’ ideals was hard to miss. I’m not too happy with the Mary-Kate reference either).
The more dangerous (and yet rewarding) activity is to ask all of the kids, boys and girls alike, to share a little about what they like and don’t like about their own bodies. It’s tempting to want to forego the discussion of what they dislike about themselves. After all, why on earth would youth leaders want their kids to be more focused on their own perceived shortcomings than they already are? Shouldn’t we getting them to focus less, not more, on their own bodies? But there is value, tremendous value, in hearing that other teens, including those who are perceived by their peers as very attractive, struggle with the same anxieties and fears as everyone else. The sheer universality of the self-doubt, a problem that transcends race and sex, is often very comforting to teens. It’s vital that kids hear how other kids perceive themselves. As they listen, they realize that most of their peers don’t think of their own bodies the way their peers do. And of course, the hope is that if they realize that their friends have wildly distorted self-image, they will understand that perhaps their own perception of their bodily flaws is equally distorted.
Still, it’s not the sort of topic that can be neatly wrapped up in two hours. Next week, we do some follow up, with some affirmation exercises that (one hopes) leaves the kids feeling far more encouraged about their bodies and their ability to resist cultural influences.
It’s a busy day, lots of errands to run on this day off. More later.
man.. i love the hugo. hes suhWEET! yeah… my friends have really effed-up body image. i guess i do to to some extent. but it was sad last night because everybody left kinda bummed out. and i was still happy and was wishing that i could like transmit some okayness-with-myself-magic to them. sometimes i wish they had 12 steps to change their life like i do. no.. i wish that all the time. much love to the hugo-i-nator!
As someone who was once married to a person with an eating disorder, I applaud you for your efforts to reach these kids and talk about the hard stuff. I believe that the more honest we all are about these issues, perhaps the less often they will occur. God bless you, Hugo.
Hugo, have you ever read “Sugar Blues”? It talks about the highs and lows you feel because of sugar’s presence in our food (especially processed foods). I first read the book when I was pregnant. I forgot most of it (it’s been 16 years), but the book urged readers to give up sugar. My doctor recommended it.
As a woman with lots of female friends, my reaction to the idea of getting everyone to say something negative about their body is — how boring. I am willing to bet that most other young women in the room already knew what each other young women in the room would say. It’s old news. And not only is it old news — I think feeling BAD about your body is considered to be a standard way for women to bond. I *still* have lots of (highly accomplished educated) female friends who use this a standard bonding technique “Oh my gosh, my thighs are SO HUGE.” “Oh, no they’re not — look at my stomach — I’m so bloated.” (I think there’s a scene in the movie _Mean Girls_ that makes fun of this ritual — when the new girl fails to chime in with a complaint about her body, suddenly she’s the odd one out.) To this day, I often feel trapped and exasperated by the amount of body-talk I do with my female friends. My friends are reacting to very real cultural forces, but it just takes up so damn much space. But for me to not take part in it would be considered an insensitive breach of chick etiquette.
In saying this I don’t mean to criticize the *spirit* of the activity, which I think is excellent — I just wasn’t sure if you knew how closely your approach aligned with the way female-bonding winds up tacitly endorsing body obsession.
Midwestmind, I hear you. And yet, I am concerned that most activities designed around body issues tend to paint the very real concerns of young women –AND young men — as shallow. If all we did was leave it there, that would indeed be a problem. But we don’t leave it there, we do push deeper — and I’ll blog more about that next week. Our group is also made up of lots of kids who don’t know each other well, who come from very different high school “cliques” — it’s got a different feel than what might happen among peers.
it’s got a different feel than what might happen among peers.
I think you’re right, Hugo. Among peers, we (young people) feel tremendous pressure to conform to what the majority is doing/saying. In a ’safe space’ like your youth group, where there are caring adults around to guide the discussion, I think teens feel more able to be honest and open about their real feelings. And we can get the kind of positive affirmation that helps to overcome negative body image.
And — as I thought to myself a few hours after making my post — maybe there is also real value to having it be a co-ed exercise, rather than an all-female ritual.
Hugo,
Okay, I finally have to admit that I over indulged on Easter goodies too Hugo. I’ve been eating every leftover Easter treat around. I wonder what it is about peeps that makes them so irresistible ?….The really bad thing is that, I haven’t exactly been working out any harder to make up for it.__Oh well, such is life…we are not perfect!
*i just found this blog like thing and i love it! fabulous thoughts!*
Anyways, i’m a teen girl who had an ED 2 years ago, luckily mine didn’t last over a year because i went to a camp where there was no media and everyone was just happy. sadly that was my starting point to my weight gain. but my ED was caused by the media, not my peers. i started finding myself more and more obsessed with fashion magazines that had these anorexic models (which you don’t see as much, but they’re there) and watching shows about people who have had ED’s trying to perfect my disorder. So i can say that if i personally didn’t have the media of “what’s perfect” then i would be much happier w/my body image.
Sugar can indeed cause mood swings. As a diabetic, I can tell you first hand how sugar and heavy carb loads can bring on tiredness and depression. I really got to watch it.
In my kids its actually the opposite, that is, it gives them that “sugar buzz” that makes them want to bounce off the walls.
Adult onset diabetes is a bummer. More people are getting it these days, and I would guess it is the increase in sugar,carbs and fat in all of our diets. Insufficient exercise just makes it worse.
Keep on eating all those peeps Hugo, and you might find yourself like me, poking yourself with an insulin needle several times a day… although personally I don’t know how you’d find the extra time with all the various activities in your life..
One of the reasons why I exercise so much, Michael, is that fear — my latest blood work at the docs was pretty good, I am pleased to say… but I do need to watch my intake.