Comments on: Follow up on sex ed

By: bmmg39

bmmg39 — Fri, 06 May 2005 20:02:41 +0000

“Unless you’ve been told by a physician that you have only a few months in which to live, I wouldn’t give up on finding a life partner just yet. :) ”

I didn’t mean to mislead. I’ve never dated, and so I don’t have the horror stories that that other dude had about relationships going off the tracks because he wasn’t looking for sex. I’m really just making a point about society, that people don’t know what to make of a person who’s not interested in sex, and they REALLY don’t know what to do if that person’s a straight male, which I am…

By: mythago

mythago — Thu, 05 May 2005 02:28:53 +0000

These days, me saying I’m not interested in sex means others aren’t interested in ME, which more often leads to dying alone than it does to a life of marriage and progeny.

Unless you’ve been told by a physician that you have only a few months in which to live, I wouldn’t give up on finding a life partner just yet. :)

By: Caitriona

Caitriona — Tue, 03 May 2005 17:06:15 +0000

bmmg39, there are certain assets to the way you are handling things. You don’t have to deal with any octupi, except for those who want a challenge. You’re weeding out a ton of jerks. There actually *are* other folks out there who have priorities other than having sex.

By: bmmg39

bmmg39 — Tue, 03 May 2005 16:17:45 +0000

“Hey, if waiting until marriage is your ideal, and you did wait, you are in great shape for explaining to your children why you’re pleased that you did wait, and that you did not in fact die of hormone congestion.”

Well, therein lies the rub. These days, me saying I’m not interested in sex means others aren’t interested in ME, which more often leads to dying alone than it does to a life of marriage and progeny. Life has its trade-offs, I guess…

By: dave paisley

dave paisley — Mon, 02 May 2005 13:30:13 +0000

Chris, I realize my comment may have come off a bit flip, but for many kids outside the church community this is a time when they can see what “the church” teaches. Why on earth would you think we can’t have an honest discussion with new (possibly non-churched) youth there? I know we can because we’ve been doing this for years and it works.

And peer pressure can work both ways. If we want or expect Christian youth to go out there and be effective role models for Christ in their schools, why can’t we expect them to do it in a youth group meeting?

As for a lot of the other comments - set in the right framework anybody’s story can be instructive for youth - if for no other reason that an honest story opens the door to honest discussion.

By: Hugo

Hugo — Mon, 02 May 2005 13:18:38 +0000

You have a point, Chris, but it is the long-standing policy of our Wednesday night youth group to encourage kids to invite friends to all events. Obviously, “sex nights” are a bigger pull than some other topics. It would be a major culture shift to close ourselves off to newcomers.

By: Chris

Chris — Mon, 02 May 2005 13:14:29 +0000

From Dave Paisley:

…I’m in a very similar situation to you - one of a youth ministry team at an Episcopal Church. We’re about to do our annual Sex, Drugs and Rock n’ Roll month of topics (always a great tim e for our youth to invite friends…)

I’m too ambivalent to comment on your post directly, Hugo, but this comment sounded alarm bells with me. I would think that a discussion on Christian sexuality would be exactly the wrong time to invite friends: the Christian community needs to be able to discuss their heartfelt convictions with integrity, and without fear of external influence or peer pressure. Youth need to at least be open to the possibility that Christ calls us to something different from cultural norms. Encouraging youth to bring friends from outside the local church seems counterproductive to a genuine discussion.

By: Caitriona

Caitriona — Mon, 02 May 2005 10:49:17 +0000

Lynn,

I think that any well-thought-out guidance is valuable. Your answers may not be what someone else sees as the right answers for them, but they are important input for when that other person is making his/her own decision.

By: Lynn Gazis-Sax

Lynn Gazis-Sax — Mon, 02 May 2005 04:49:12 +0000

It’s not so much that I don’t think my experience has anything to say to young people as that it seems terribly unedifying as guidance for the “when should I lose my virginity” question. I can’t help suspecting that other people have more compelling stories, here. Anyway, I blogged the whole sorry story (not in an X-rated version), so the whole world can see just how unedifying it actually is.

By: davejones

davejones — Mon, 02 May 2005 00:12:10 +0000

Hugo,

I don’t think you were truly honest with the kids. You say to them “the more I work with you, the less I feel comfortable handing out a one-size-fits-all moral agenda with any confidence” and “I know full well that some of you are simply “readier” than others.”

In prior blogs you have stated unequivocally that a man ejaculating inside a woman signifies his readiness to become a father. You have a one-size-fits-all belief that you did not convey to the kids. Since your kids are no older than seventeen I find it hard to believe you think any of them are “ready” to be mommy or daddy.

Perhaps it was the pressure of an off-the-cuff answer, the presence of other adults, your desire to not distance yourself from any of the kids or be seen as a fuddy-duddy, towing your denomination’s line, or something else.

Whatever your reason, it just seems you spoke short of your true beliefs.