Comments on: “Dare to disappoint” — cheering on Sandra Loh

By: Matt

Matt — Fri, 24 Jun 2005 07:58:25 +0000

There’s a lot to be said for tailoring the message to the audience. To an audience of immigrant east-asians with pushy parents, “go ahead and rebel” may be just what the doctor ordered. But that doesn’t necessarily make it universally applicable.

I’d say the advice would be better directed at high school grads than college grads, though. HS doesn’t saddle you with a crippling debt burden, and colleges are a lot more likely to forgive time taken off before starting college than employers are to forgive time taken off before starting one’s career.

By: mythago

mythago — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 16:41:47 +0000

I’ve known plenty of kids who’ve rebelled by becoming far more conservative than their parents.

Oh, gosh, yes. I’m fulling expecting my middle child to decide, around age 15 or so, that we need to start using separate sets of milk and meat dishes. ;)

But I wasn’t really talking about rebellion, where a child figures out what would most piss of the ‘units and goes out and does that in an in-your-face way to annoy them. I mean situations where the child’s values or choices are so very different from the parents. I can’t help wondering if John would be as disappointed in a child who, say, shed his parents’ expectations of being a third-generation lefty activist to enroll in West Point.

By: LMC

LMC — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 17:58:59 +0000

You can also disappoint you parents by being something beyond your control - gay, I did that. Also by becoming disenchanted with engineering, (I still plan to study it, but it lost its “magic” because of a male supremest teacher) when I told them I wanted to study the technology part of theatere, I was gently nudged back to engineering. I think its another of those monetary security things.

By: Hugo

Hugo — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 17:26:47 +0000

Actually, mythago, you’d be surprised. I’ve known plenty of kids who’ve rebelled by becoming far more conservative than their parents. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I’m not trying to push a specific ideological agenda here. I am interested in seeing young people explore their options and discover themselves. If that means joining the Army Rangers, so be it.

By: Caitriona

Caitriona — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 13:19:56 +0000

Somehow I don’t think you’d be as upset if the “disappointment” were, say, a child of hippie liberal parents joining the military.

How about a child of a military family going into the Peace Corps?

By: mythago

mythago — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 12:45:22 +0000

Ok, why is it suprising I don’t like this?

I, for one, am deeply shocked.

Somehow I don’t think you’d be as upset if the “disappointment” were, say, a child of hippie liberal parents joining the military.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 12:15:57 +0000

Need I point out that after graduating from Caltech some pointless hedonism is due? It’s no coincidence that the world’s great scientists graduated from Caltech…I say let them have a summer of fun (even if it’s just sleeping and trying out for American Idol - both budget conscience activities)! That goes for people who graduate from anywhere, hell, graduating is HARD.

By: djw

djw — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 12:13:21 +0000

Hmm. My eloquent comment seems to have dissapeared, or perhaps never shown up. Camissia–she’s pretty clearly talking to middle class Asian-American kids. Some dynamics are rather different. Whether or not being in bondage to a bank is better or worse than being in bondage to one’s parents is largely dependent on the parents. In some cases, the bank is clearly a better option, even with usurious interest rates. Some parents can really do a number on their adult children.

Your points about safety nets and the privileges of CalTech grads should be duly noted, and those who are fortunate enough to have such a safety net are a whole lot less insufferable when they’re aware of that fact. This isn’t general social commentary on economic inequality, though; it’s advice to people who do indeed have a safety net. The fact that others don’t isn’t, in and of itself, a reason not to use (not abuse, mind you, simply use) a safety net you do have.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 05:24:24 +0000

safety net is indeed correct. but you dont have to break out by spending or doing outlandish things. but still, it seems like there will always be a certain freedom to those who are finically better, they are able to experiment more and risk dabbling in various things.

By: John

John — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 03:57:50 +0000

May it be so with all the hard-working, the dutiful, the eager-to-please, the obedient of all ethnic groups and social classes: “dare to disappoint your parents.”

Ok, why is it suprising I don’t like this?
“There is one thing a man may always do if he chuses, and that is his duty”. Full stop. All this self-potentiation rubbish can wait. I’ll find myself in ten years or so. In the mean-time, I’ve got work to do, and I’ll thank you to get your values imperialism out of my way.