My simplistic two cents.

I think the media portrays a very narrow standard of beauty that has an influence on men and women. There have been some recent improvements though.
I may have misread Tony, but by definition, “universal” extends past modern American culture, so that is what I was commenting on. Overall, I think the points on the various sub-cultures were very good.

Mom’s 2nd husband was a cocky, red-headed, drucken, cowboy-wannabe who said that by getting more of an education, she was attempting to “raise herself above her raisin’.” (In actuality, she was improving herself so that she could do a better job of taking care of her family.) Now, I don’t avoid all redheads, but if a man happens to be red-headed *and* cocky, I tend to be a bit more careful around him. If he also drinks “a bit,” I’m even more cautious. If he has a tendency to get drunk and pull attitude, I tend to avoid him altogether. If he’s any sort of wannabe or poser, I’ve no use for him. And if he thinks that women shouldn’t get more education, we *sure* won’t get along.

But the fact of the matter is that I am a lesbian in a permanent relationship with a large African-American woman, who knocked me over the moment I saw her, and still does, 17 years and 100 pounds later (on both our parts!).

In the Charge of the Goddess we are told “All acts of love and pleasure are My rituals,” and the pull of the body must be given its proper weight. Which is in conjunction with the pull of the mind. If the mind is paramount, what you have is friendship. If the body is paramount, what you have is a one-night-stand. And I would personally not denigrate either of those things, undertaken with respect for the inherent dignity and health of all concerned parties; sometimes a one-night-stand is just the kind of cure a broken spirit needs. (Like Turkish Delight, though, in small, small quantities so as not to get sick-and-tired.) Sometimes, a deep, cuddly, but non-passionate friendship is absolutely the thing. Again, so long as the dignity of all is preserved.

Lois McMaster Bujold writes a series of books in which the POV character is quite short (less than 5′), and slightly twisty of spine. He consistently goes for much taller, physically fit, and highly intelligent women. Some of whom respond, some of whom do not notice him, and some of whom are put entirely off by his hyperactivity.

You do not violate any principle of human dignity (read: feminism) so long as what you are seeking is an equal, a partner. You do not even violate feminist principles if you play sexual games of dominance and submission - so long as games is what they are, and with the full and delighted consent of all concerned, and not your expectation for how life should be.

And you do not violate any feminist principles as your head comes up and your lips curl in delight as long as you remember that the one you wind up with may not fit into that category at all.

That kind of argument can be used to justify all kinds of prejudice - which is why Hugo emphasized physical preferences shouldn’t be based on assumptions that go beyond the facts to personality judgements.

I personally would never have ruled a guy out simply because he was shorter than me, even *way* shorter. That dwarf actor who was in _The Station Agent_ (drawing a blank on his name right now) - he’s *hot*. I would *so* go out with him, were I single, and other people’s hangups can go, well, hang. :)

So do you or do you not agree with Hugo’s claim that beauty standards now are extraordinarily narrow?

Each of us has our own “little” things to which we are more attracted. I have (almost) always been attracted to taller men, although a few times they were near my height. For me, it was partially due to the way my mom’s 2nd husband (who was slightly shorter than her) treated us as I was growing up.

He was in our lives from when I was 7yo until I was 15yo. Those years are vital in the formation of a person’s sense of self and of self-worth. People who bear reminders of my father or of my mother’s 2nd husband are people to whom I usually avoid becoming close.

I would hazard a guess that it is similar for each of us. We tend to avoid those who share similarities with the people who’ve hurt us the most. We tend to gravitate toward those with similarities to those with whom we were the closest. (Which would explain why my husband has many traits and habits that are similar to those of my maternal grandfather, who my husband never met and to whom I was extremely close.)

Glitch, your tendency to avoid relationships with taller women is totally understandable, to me. I agree that you must nurture yourself. Just don’t rule out the possibility that someone taller than you might one day surprise you. No matter how minute, it’s always a possibility.

Being thin (for women) may be preferred currently in the United States, but a variety of other cultures and countries appreciate larger women as well as thinner women. Larger women are also depicted as beautiful in multiple art forms throughout the ages, including the works of the Master Painter’s of the Renaissance.
So, I would be careful calling a preference almost universal.