What I think, what I feel, what I say, and what I do are all more or less the same thing.

“because I don’t have a “secret” life that is at odds with my public one.”

hmm, as I understood your use of “compartmentlisation” you weren’t just referring to the the cognitive dissonance that can occur when it’s hard to reconcile public values with private ones, but to the impossibility of having ONE complete entirely *open* sexuality that is a combination of several elements (ie, having a girlfriend and masturbating - see your post about the “girlfriend-porn talk”).

“I have some control over how long I entertain thoughts or fantasies that aren’t congruent with my values.”

Absolutely, but if “congruence” or absence of cognitive dissonance is the key here, then “compartmentalisation” is only impossible in a situation lacking intellectual congruence - which, I would think you would agree - usually depends on individual morality.

This isn’t about shame, either.

I haven’t mentioned “shame” anywhere, I did not think so. Although I’m not entirely certain you always “liked” your sexuality in the way you possibly do now. You seem quite (I would say ‘overly’) critical of yourself and your (earlier) desires at times. If or whatever that may mean - I’m not a psychologist…

I do this not because of any special virtue on my part but because of a real hunger for a kind of congruence that I think is possible and desirable.

Which is fair enough. I think a lot of what I think are logical inconsistencies in your writing stems not from the fact that I’m not accepting that multiple attributions of actions or thoughts are a given in the subject area, but from the fact that you have taken a deeply spiritual and individual concept you call “congruence” and generalize from this point, often without - I think - intersubjectively accessibly explaining your reasoning. It’s the pitfall of standpoint epistemology - useful, helpful to you, inaccessible for other people.

Do you think you could define “congruence” as a general principle?

This isn’t about shame, either. I like my sexuality just fine, thanks. The challenge of my adult life has been to make the most private parts of myself match my deepest convictions. It’s an ongoing work, and one way I do that work is by deliberately refraining from certain things (like fantasizing about other people or masturbating). I do this not because of any special virtue on my part but because of a real hunger for a kind of congruence that I think is possible and desirable.

interesting post - “The moral nature of thoughts…”

What I’m wondering about is this -

In the end, I chose to let go of masturbation and sexual fantasy because they were at odds with my vision of what it meant to live a life of servanthood and discipleship.

and how it relates to your apparently very strict views on the impossibility of “compartmentalization”. The latter, it appears to me, cannot be seen as a one way street. You seem to see it as impossible to make conscious decisions about how to control and combine different parts of ones sexuality, yet you’re claiming that you *can* let go of sexual fantasies, which, as you’re certainly aware, are often not a product of the conscious mind. If you can actually do this, you are “reverse” “compartmentalizing” your sexuality.