Comments on: An “E” feels like an “I”: struggling with how to grieve http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/ Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:45:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: AmbivaBlog http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23717 AmbivaBlog Mon, 10 Jul 2006 21:50:53 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23717 <strong>Who Knew? [UPDATED]</strong> Chinchillas! As pets, not pelts. It's a movement! Matilde's Mission isn't pretentious, self-righteous or deluded, we'll do what we can and be happy with whatever progress we make; we may not, "save the world," but at least we did SOMETHING Who Knew? [UPDATED]

Chinchillas! As pets, not pelts. It’s a movement! Matilde’s Mission isn’t pretentious, self-righteous or deluded, we’ll do what we can and be happy with whatever progress we make; we may not, “save the world,” but at least we did SOMETHING

]]> By: AmbivaBlog http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23716 AmbivaBlog Mon, 10 Jul 2006 21:48:23 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23716 <strong>Who Knew? [UPDATED]</strong> Chinchillas! As pets, not pelts. It's a movement! Matilde's Mission isn't pretentious, self-righteous or deluded, we'll do what we can and be happy with whatever progress we make; we may not, "save the world," but at least we did SOMETHING Who Knew? [UPDATED]

Chinchillas! As pets, not pelts. It’s a movement! Matilde’s Mission isn’t pretentious, self-righteous or deluded, we’ll do what we can and be happy with whatever progress we make; we may not, “save the world,” but at least we did SOMETHING

]]> By: rainbow http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23715 rainbow Wed, 28 Jun 2006 17:42:55 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23715 My condolences on the loss of your father and your pet. May they mothe live on in your memory and in eternal peace. My condolences on the loss of your father and your pet. May they mothe live on in your memory and in eternal peace.

]]> By: Uzzah http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23714 Uzzah Wed, 28 Jun 2006 16:07:36 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23714 <i>Look at this way . . . . you might feel like you're inadequate for modeling how to "grieve well" . . but you haven't ever had to grieve a loss like the loss of your dad before. Do you really think people are supposed to be expert models for something they're doing for the first time? I hope not! </i> This is so true. When my Father passed some years ago from cancer, I was affected so deeply it really surprised me at the depth at which I grieved. Like you, I spent quite a bit of time with my Dad before he passed. I thought I was ready and could accept his death as he had accepted it but I was not. The depth to which his passing affected me really caught me off guard. I have had many good friends die over the years. Grandparents. Cousins. Old and dear friends. I accepted their deaths as just a part of life. Part of God's plan for us. None of those deaths really affected me like the passing of my father. I was just so <i>overwhelmed</i> by it. Still, even after 10 years, I miss him. None of those deaths affects you quite as deeply as the loss of a parent. And none of them do more to remind you of your own mortality. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Hugo. Look at this way . . . . you might feel like you’re inadequate for modeling how to “grieve well” . . but you haven’t ever had to grieve a loss like the loss of your dad before. Do you really think people are supposed to be expert models for something they’re doing for the first time? I hope not!

This is so true.

When my Father passed some years ago from cancer, I was affected so deeply it really surprised me at the depth at which I grieved. Like you, I spent quite a bit of time with my Dad before he passed. I thought I was ready and could accept his death as he had accepted it but I was not. The depth to which his passing affected me really caught me off guard.

I have had many good friends die over the years. Grandparents. Cousins. Old and dear friends. I accepted their deaths as just a part of life. Part of God’s plan for us. None of those deaths really affected me like the passing of my father. I was just so overwhelmed by it. Still, even after 10 years, I miss him.

None of those deaths affects you quite as deeply as the loss of a parent. And none of them do more to remind you of your own mortality.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, Hugo.

]]> By: kate.d. http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23713 kate.d. Wed, 28 Jun 2006 13:42:39 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23713 no need to apologize to us, hugo! just keep doing what you're doing, be present and aware, and try not to be too hard on yourself. no need to apologize to us, hugo! just keep doing what you’re doing, be present and aware, and try not to be too hard on yourself.

]]> By: anne http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23712 anne Wed, 28 Jun 2006 11:44:13 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23712 No advice from here... I imagine I would react far differently in some respects to the same losses, given that I am an introvert on the best of days. I don't think you need to worry about apologies for not blogging about issues right now - as Lauren said, we understand. Give yourself all the time you need. You'll certainly be in the prayers of many. No advice from here… I imagine I would react far differently in some respects to the same losses, given that I am an introvert on the best of days. I don’t think you need to worry about apologies for not blogging about issues right now - as Lauren said, we understand.

Give yourself all the time you need. You’ll certainly be in the prayers of many.

]]> By: Karl Maria http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23711 Karl Maria Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:00:10 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23711 Hugo, When you wrote about the E becoming an I during times of high stress, my body shivered in agreement. I have a tendency to want to crawl back into bed... forget my friends... stop going to church. I eventually come back out into the sun. Carol is right on about listening to yourself on this. And maybe some music that will soothe, or an old book-friend. I turn to Ignatius J. Reilly or The English Beat and it's like a blanket. Love and peace to you. Hugo,

When you wrote about the E becoming an I during times of high stress, my body shivered in agreement. I have a tendency to want to crawl back into bed… forget my friends… stop going to church. I eventually come back out into the sun. Carol is right on about listening to yourself on this. And maybe some music that will soothe, or an old book-friend. I turn to Ignatius J. Reilly or The English Beat and it’s like a blanket.

Love and peace to you.

]]> By: Rachel http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23710 Rachel Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:14:27 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23710 Dear Hugo. I have no wisdom to offer, only an unshakeable faith that you will come through this difficult time. Peace be with you. Dear Hugo. I have no wisdom to offer, only an unshakeable faith that you will come through this difficult time. Peace be with you.

]]> By: BabyBlue http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23709 BabyBlue Wed, 28 Jun 2006 01:11:33 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23709 Hi Hugo, I've been a lurker on your site for quite a while. I very much enjoy your thoughtful postings, though I recognized we may be on different sides of the aisle on some things. I popped in tonight and saw that you dad had died and your Matilida. I wanted you to know that I share your sorrow - I don't think it matters how old we get, we still need our dads - and our darling pets! What a wonderful thing that you and your dad - and Matilda too - could share so much together. All those wonderful memories are yours forever as well as carrying their love forever in your heart. But it's still so hard not to have them here. Thank you for your transparency across the miles. Just tonight I was reading the words, "blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted." I pray for the comfort of the Holy Spirit as you walk through these days, months, and years - He will not leave you. God bless you. Mary Hi Hugo,

I’ve been a lurker on your site for quite a while. I very much enjoy your thoughtful postings, though I recognized we may be on different sides of the aisle on some things. I popped in tonight and saw that you dad had died and your Matilida. I wanted you to know that I share your sorrow - I don’t think it matters how old we get, we still need our dads - and our darling pets! What a wonderful thing that you and your dad - and Matilda too - could share so much together. All those wonderful memories are yours forever as well as carrying their love forever in your heart. But it’s still so hard not to have them here. Thank you for your transparency across the miles. Just tonight I was reading the words, “blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.” I pray for the comfort of the Holy Spirit as you walk through these days, months, and years - He will not leave you. God bless you.

Mary

]]> By: Jamie http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23708 Jamie Tue, 27 Jun 2006 22:56:42 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/06/27/an-e-feels-like-an-i-struggling-with-how-to-grieve/#comment-23708 I agree with Carol, just let go when the time comes. I agree with Carol, just let go when the time comes.

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