With my hiatus fast coming to an end, I’m doing a second reprint today.
This fall, for the second time in a year, Californians will be voting on a "parental notification inititative." Last year, it was Proposition 73; this year, it’s Prop. 85. I reluctantly voted "no" on 73 last year, and it was narrowly defeated. My position has not changed, and so I’m reproducing my post from last fall here. The links within it have been updated:
REPRINT: I’m about to surprise myself, disappoint some, and please others.
I’ve been reflecting on the various ballot propositions facing California voters in the November 8 special election. Most of the initiatives don’t require much thought for me; what Arnold Schwarzenegger calls reform I call an attack on organized labor and the vulnerable whom we serve. I’ll be voting "no" on every one of Arnold’s proposals, in keeping with my (often tepid) support for my union.
The only proposition that has caused me some agony is Proposition 85, which would mandate parental notification before a minor undergoes an abortion. It’s important to note, of course, that the initiative, if passed, would not require parental consent — only notification.
Here’s the Yes on 85 site.
I’m not yet a father. But I am a volunteer youth worker who has spent half a dozen years mentoring teenagers, so it’s not as if I don’t have my own strong emotional response to the issue. And if I go with my initial instinct, I’m inclined to support the initiative. If I were a Dad, I would want my daughter to come to me. I would, I imagine, be hurt and bewildered if she felt she couldn’t. And my fear that my daughter might not come to me of her own volition makes me sympathetic to the idea that she ought to be compelled to do so by the state.
As I reflect more, however, I’m filled with sadness. As someone who still struggles to embrace the consistent-life ethic, I grieve the tragedy of abortion. I long for a world where underage teenage girls didn’t get pregnant, period — either because they chose not to have sex, or because in conjunction with their partners, they successfully used contraceptives. I’m sure that almost everyone on both sides of the abortion divide shares that wish! But we don’t live in such a world, not yet. And in this world where teens are having sex and will continue to have sex, many without contraception, what are we to do?
When I was 17 and a high school senior, I got my girlfriend pregnant. We were both underage; we were young and scared. In the desperate days and weeks after we confirmed that she was pregnant, she and I talked of many things. We briefly fantasized about getting married and having the child, but quickly abandoned that idea. Both of us were eager for college, eager for independence, and knew enough to know that we were utterly unready for the awesome responsibilities of marriage and children. More seriously, we reflected on whether or not my girlfriend should carry the pregnancy to term and then give the child up for adoption. To be completely honest, that was my wish. But it wasn’t my decision to make, nor should it have been. After all, my body wasn’t pregnant. I wouldn’t finish out high school "showing"; I wouldn’t have college delayed a year by carrying a baby. I wouldn’t have to go through what must be the unspeakably difficult task of giving a child you’ve carried for nine months up for adoption. And so, with many tears and much trembling, we decided on abortion.
I can tell you that we both told our parents. We told them after we had made the decision, but before the procedure took place. She and I were both blessed with parents who didn’t lecture us! Neither of us got the "What were you thinking?" speech, nor the "I’m so disappointed in you" lecture. I’m grateful for that. My mother knew — and my ex-girlfriend’s mother knew — that we had already beat ourselves up far more than was necessary. We didn’t need a guilt trip, we needed support, and we got it.
The abortion was done in a doctor’s office in Monterey on a warm spring Saturday morning I will never forget: June 22, 1985. I sat in the waiting room with my girlfriend’s mother, trying to read a magazine. Afterwards, her mom took her home to sleep the day away. I went for a walk on the beach, alternating between guilty tears and an extraordinary numbness. Had things been different, the child that would have been born (the due date, we were told, was February 8, 1986) would be a sophomore in college this year — the same age as many of my students.
But I know so well that she and I were lucky in our parents! It would be absurd to assume that every teenager has a mother or father who will respond with reassurance, unconditional love, and support. I wish that it were so. Frankly, I think some teens might be surprised by the depths of understanding that their parents might display if they took the risk to tell them! I certainly feared recriminations before telling my parents; I was incredibly relieved that I didn’t get them.
I do wonder what we would have done had we known that the law required us to inform our parents. (Technically, this would only have applied to my girlfriend, but to my marginal credit, I was in complete solidarity with her in the whole process.) We might have gone ahead and told them so that we could comply with the order. Or we might have searched for someone willing to perform an abortion without the notification requirement. Had we had different parents, had we had more reasonable fears of rage and rejection, we might well have looked for someone who could be convinced to terminate the pregnancy without involving moms and dads. I am fairly certain that a great many young girls will seek out less-scrupulous abortion providers for exactly this reason.
Do I want to see an end to abortion in this country? Yes. Am I willing to advocate for laws to restrict access to abortion to adults or minors? No. Despite my own history, I’ve flirted in the past with supporting anti-abortion regulation. My faith informs me that all life is equally precious, including life in the womb. But with great heaviness of heart, I’ve come to agree that it’s destructive and pointless to try and end abortion legislatively. When we were teenagers more than twenty years ago, my ex-girlfriend and I "weren’t thinking" when she got pregnant. Frankly, whether or not abortion was legal and available had no impact on what we were doing together. Hormones and infatuation are far more powerful than fear itself, at least for many teens.
When and if I have children, I want them to feel comfortable telling me anything. If my daughter were pregnant, I would want to know. Perhaps I would want her to keep the child, or choose adoption — though those would not be my decisions to make. But even greater than my desire to know, I would want her to be safe. Ultimately, it wouldn’t be about me, but about her and her needs. And if for some reason she felt she couldn’t tell me or her mother, I would want her to be able to turn to medical professionals.
In my capacity as a youth leader, I’ve known of a couple of girls over the years who had abortions; at least one told me but did not tell her parents. (This was years ago, folks — if you’re associated with All Saints, don’t speculate.) I was not the only adult who was informed, but though I expressed my hope to the young woman involved that she would eventually bring her parents into the process, I respected her decision not to do so. Until I’m told that that’s unacceptable behavior for a volunteer youth minister, I will continue to assume that I am free to offer the same advice should a similar situation arise in the future.
Originally published September 27, 2005
UPDATE: Men favor Prop. 85 53% to 40%, while women are opposed 51% to 36%. According to this month’s (August 2006) Field Poll, public opinion in California is evenly split on Prop 85 less than three months out from the election. But the pollsters note a big gender divide: Men favor Prop. 85 53% to 40%, while women are opposed 51% to 36%.
I’m still a little iffy on how I feel about this, though my strong pro-life affliation urges me to vote yes on it. I wrote a somewhat related post on abortion while you were on vacation called, “In Response to Seventeen’s Article, ‘My Mom Made me have an abortion.” It helped me sort out my thoughts, but ahhh! This subject is just so awful all around that it’s hard to even think about it at all.
The important thing to note is that if children have a good relationship with their parents then they’re liable to tell them anyway independent of this law and if they have abusive or controlling parents then notification will endanger the child(what do you do when the pregnancy is a result of incest in the first place).
Pratically speaking this law is not going to work and morally it is almost certainly going to harm someone.
Annamal: word. Wordy McWord even.
Last night, I watched FX’s 30 days, where someone lives in a community that they are unfamiliar with for 30 days. This time, it was a pro-choice activist living in a pro-life maternity home.
The show’s creator, Morgan Spurlock (of _Supersize Me_ fame,) interviewed the parents of Becky Bell, a 17-year-old Indiana girl who didn’t feel that she could tell her parents she was pregnant and therefore couldn’t get a legal abortion. (In 1988, Indiana had in place a parental notification law which requires girls under 18 to have the permission of a parent.) She couldn’t get to another state which had looser regulations, and so she had an illegal abortion. The abortionist didn’t use sterile equipment, and Becky died of infection.
Her parents are still mourning her in 2006. And in 1991, Karen Bell had this to say (taken from this Planned Parenthood article.:) “Two years ago I would have been totally for the parental consent law, but not now. … Mothers and fathers have both come up and said, ‘Well, we just know that our daughters would come to us, we know it.’ And I said, ‘And I knew Becky would come to me.’ And look where she is.”
And that’s why I can’t support parental notification laws. Because there are teens who can and do voluntariliy go to their parents. Because there will be teens who could go to their parents, but don’t think that they could. And because there are teens who can’t go to their parents (either because a relative is the one who got them pregnant, or because they have seen their parents kick other siblings out of the house, or for whatever other reason.) And the teens that can’t tell their parents are the ones most in need of help.
I feel a whole lot more concern for the Becky Bells of the world than I do for the embryos of the world.
Does anyone have any stats on how many teenage pregnancies happen between a teenage girl and a teenage boy, compared to how many happen with a teenage girl and an adult male? Or are a result of incest via father, brother, uncle, or grandfather?
I think the makeup of teen pregnancies hardly matters vis-a-vis this absurd law. I only regret I moved out of Califonia recently and can’t vote “no”. I’m not one for letting experience trump conscience in politics, but having known no less than three teens in my life that suffered tremendously by telling parents of unwanted pregnancies—and one was a 19-year-old who was trying to be honest with her parents—I, for one, can’t see what profit there is in erecting a de facto barrier to the exercise of the legally upheld right to a legal procedure.
I have had a hard time with the “it is the woman’s choice” thing. I know it is her body, but I had a very good friend who got his girlfriend pregnant. They also toyed with the idea of marriage and keeping the baby, then talked about adoption. They opted for adoption. He told her the next week that he wanted to keep the baby, even if she did not (he was out of college and she was still in college and he felt he was prepared to take on the duties…he was so excited to be a dad). She agreed. Then, a week later again, she let him know she had gone ahead with the abortion. He was devastated. She said “it is my body, I do what I want”. But the life inside is not “hers” alone. He played an important part in making it. I know it is rare, but what do you think about this?
Charlie, I addressed the issue of the male role in reproductive decision making in this post. I wrote this post when I was still struggling to stay on the pro-life side of the line; I’ve since — reverently and prayerfully — come back to the pro-choice camp. But what I wrote about male responsibility still stands. The man’s moment to exercise choice is before ejaculation.
Charlie: in my view, it’s as simple as this: he’s asking her to be sick for nine months, very sick for part of it, and at the end of it have a somewhat risky operation. There’s simply no way he should have the right to demand that of her.
Just stumbled on this blog and it’s quite interesting. I have a question. Why is it that we are considering a law to inform parents about a minor’s decision to have an abortion but not pressing for a law that requires a doctor to tell the parents about a minor’s decision to have a baby?
Certainly pregnancy poses a far greater health risk than does abortion. The inconsistency makes me question whether Prop 85 is really about a parents right to know. And as “technocracygirl” pointed out this parental notification about abortion really just ushers in legislation that can do far more harm than good.
Thanks for letting me post