Comments on: More on “don’t ask, don’t tell”, and male transformation

By: Burton

Burton — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 16:48:05 +0000

So, there is still a “it’s Ok for men to perform certain acts but women are ho’s once they participate in them” mentality quite at work.

Sure, just as if men perform certain actions, then they are “sexual harassers” but if women perform the same actions, they are expressing their sexuality.

By: Catty

Catty — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 19:20:00 +0000

Toy, I’ll have to agree with you. However, I do still see and hear a lot of double standards- I overheard young guys at the bar recently (frat kids, I think, from the local college). They were talking about doing a “train” on this young woman and throughly disparaging her for having participated. So, there is still a “it’s Ok for men to perform certain acts but women are ho’s once they participate in them” mentality quite at work.

By: Hugo

Hugo — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:32:45 +0000

Toy, I assure you that my advice in the original post applied equally to both sexes. The original problem in the first post was posed to me by a woman who was the victim of a boyfriend’s obsessive jealousy. But that can be found in both sexes.

By: Toy Soldier

Toy Soldier — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:15:37 +0000

“Not all 23 year-olds are as willing to work to transform as he is.”

Speaking as a 23-year-old, I believe most are unwilling to “transform” because they have no reason to. It seems that you have a total disconnect with my generation if you really think all or most of us expect girls to be virgins. I say because admitting that you are a virgin, regardless of gender, makes you an immediate target for mockery.

As for nagging about past partners, speaking from experience women are just as likely–probably more likely–to ask those questions.

By: joholly

joholly — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:44:30 +0000

“What if men are simply reflecting upon their circumstances and are projecting their frustrations, emptiness, and their own disgusts upon women. By asking such questions of their partners, maybe they hope to gain insight to why they do, what they do. In a deeply way, are WE really asking, “Why are we doing this?””

Well, so what? Paul, men need to stop projecting crap onto women. Period. Men who are frustrated, empty and disgusted need to use a little introspection and figure that out for themselves, because otherwise they will remain frustrated, empty and disgusted and ruin their next relationship because they are dragging around all that baggage. It is NOT women’s job to fix men.

It’s a wonderful thing when you can help someone get through a troubling time. I’m glad he found you, Hugo.

By: Paul

Paul — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:51:31 +0000

Ah! so you can sleep better at night lullaby for bad boys and girls. your post taken as is, in it’s narrowly defined circumstance, makes sense. however, change a variable and it’s meaningless.

I’m thinking that if men truly have had some privilege in their ability to sleep around unhampered by social stigmas, which supposedly women haven’t, then men should have some insight women generally would not have. So we should choose to be careful of the feminist response.

“I can do it, but you can’t,” sounds like something an eight year old would say. So those folks with that limited cognitive ability will be first to respond, and will poorly argue, hence appearing to validate the feminist argument above.

What if men are simply reflecting upon their circumstances and are projecting their frustrations, emptiness, and their own disgusts upon women. By asking such questions of their partners, maybe they hope to gain insight to why they do, what they do. In a deeply way, are WE really asking, “Why are we doing this?”

Women have fucked around as much as men have; they are only now being able to use that same eight year old response. Some are challenging that response, but so what—is an egalitarian need to be promiscuous what is troubling men, women, and sexual relations.

By: Mermade

Mermade — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:25:04 +0000

Thanks so much for providing a link to Connie’s blog!!! I went right over!