I remember my friends of the early 1980’s - who had stopped battering their female partners. Now some of their partners wanted them to be the same - “pseudo macho” males - just without the battering. For the men, stopping their battering - relied upon them viewing themselves and others differently. They no longer could nor wanted to be “the same men”. This ended some relationships.

Obviously - you or those you care about may chose “compliance” as you put it. To me that’s a good solution - like convincing Georgie in D.C.- to nudge his Iraq Policy - just a tinge - “it’ll be ok” - that’s b.s. in my book.

I think that we men are hurting - and need to work to change ourselves. You may disagree.

Thanks~

Men and women need to change. Humanity is fairly f*cked up right now. I think feminism is a good vehicle for change in women, and compliance for men. Men need their own vehicle to change themselves: I don’t think the feminist community is as well-equipped for it. Compliance means you don’t beat your wife, change means you don’t because you don’t want to.

Another part of a future Men’s Movement is seeing our life roles differently. It was no coincidence that AIDS support work in the U.S. had such a tiny, tiny proportion of Het Men. AIDS wasn’t seen as relevant to us in general - e.g. “straight men don’t get AIDS so Why should I do the work?” I never saw the depths of the role of being a Father until I became one. Men often don’t see the importance of people with disabilities until or unless disability directly affects their lives. Aging is often similar.

Women are often different in “taking care of others” - children, parents, grandparents, or simply those who may benefit from care and support. We men often “don’t see beyond our noses” - from playing as a boy independently (not caring for younger siblings) to our sports and other pleasures (while women take care of things).

There are Many exceptions of course!

Our former male roles as: soldier, breadwinner, “boss”, “head of household” are often disappearing. Far too many of us are caught in a narcisistic web - of “self actualization” - which doesn’t do much for others or build bonds that will help us as we need help in our future lives.

Feminism is very important in all of this! In the end though we will need to find new ways of bonding with: men, women, children and ourselves. I try to explore some of this in my blog: http://www.geoisphere.blogspot.com as well as our group blog at: http://www.feministallies.blogspot.com.

Thanks!

Men don’t need to change. Men are fine the way they are.

Hypocrisy is a high and wide target. Perhaps the thoroughgoing moral and political transformation that you plan deserves a more humane approach than applying the Internet’s cliches about “holding people accountable” for whatever one holds people accountable for and “calling people on” whatever one calls people on.

Put another way, the weapons of the weak are weapons nonetheless.

Nietzsche warns us to beware those in whom the urge to punish is strong. The urge seems particularly strong in the man with his own oft-mentioned sins.