Below my post this morning on “Fat, slut, selfish”, Flippanter comments:
Ironically, a great deal of power tends to accrue to the person, usually a man, who encourages people, usually young and often women, to do what they want and not necessarily what their parents and families would like, in the name of liberating them to realize their potential, live life to fullest, etc., etc., etc. It occurs to me that one could get attached to that sort of power.
I don’t think Flippanter is trolling here.
I make no secret of my desire to be an inspiration to my students, to be a role model in my public and private life. I am quite open about wanting to be a “change agent.” But I am absolutely emphatic that I am not trying to be a guru. I put this in the comments section after Flippanter’s remark, but I’ll repeat it here:
This is why I distinguish, as best I can, between being a mentor — who encourages a person to find herself, and a guru — who suggests exactly where she will be found.
In the process of finding that “still, small voice” within us, we need guides to help us on the way. I didn’t get to where I’ve gotten by myself; I had sponsors and mentors and spiritual directors. I still have them today. I try, as often as possible, to check in with folks who are farther down the road than I; with friends who are more or less where I am; and then and only then to offer encouragement, advice, and exhortations to those who are coming up behind.
Do I like teaching? Do I like strutting and fretting my hour on the stage of my classroom? Damned straight I do. I take pleasure in it because I know in my bones I am doing what I am called to do. It’s not power I’m attached to, Flippanter, it’s the tremendous sense of excitement about working to inspire transformation in others. I’ll be the first to admit that I do get a strong sense of gratification from watching that change happen. I just know I’m not the one making it happen.
If I were encouraging these young women to “discover” their repressed sexuality through an affair with me, that would be grossly manipulative. But there’s no hidden payoff for me in inspiring young men and women to change their lives. There’s no selfish agenda on my part when I gently, firmly, call on my students, mentees, and youth groupers to throw off the chains of repressive gender roles and that insidious, multi-generational guilt foisted on them by those who love them.
I do monitor myself assiduously for signs I may be slipping into “guru-hood”. I have accountability partners in all that I do, including my teaching. Most teachers — especially ENFPs — have a slight tendency towards megalomania. With humor and humility (two words related in more ways than the obvious), I try to keep that tendency well in check.
i love your blog. as a 35 year old male, i find it very inspiring. my vegan, feminist girfriend turned me on to it. i have an issue, though, with your use of the word “guru”. i have been studying yoga for many years and because it comes from India i have also studied the hindu culture. from what i’ve observed the word “guru” simply means teacher. Literally it means someone who takes someone else from darkness to light. i recognize that in america the word gets changed to mean a meglomaniac. But in Inida it can be used just like the word “teacher”. for example, mr. jones is my math guru. so perhaps you ended up using it in a way that successfully communicated what you wanted but it still bothers me to see things from other cultures mangled.
In Hugo’s defense, I don’t think he was using the word guru to mean megalomaniac… In his work in the classroom and church, by saying he’s not a guru, he precisely means that he’s not there to teach his students how how to live their lives outside of the restrictions he mentions, but, rather, to guide them and allow them to discover for themselves how to do it. I don’t think it makes negative use of the word guru at all….
“In the process of finding that “still, small voice” within us, we need guides to help us on the way.”
You nailed essence of the spiritual and personal growth process in that sentence. Amazing. I’m glad Flippanter’s comments provoked you, because your response included that sentence, and it’s a gem.
Hugo - leading female students to have an affair with you is hardly the only way you could be exercising a “selfish agenda”.
By asking them to “throw off the chains of repressive gender roles and that insidious, multi-generational guilt foisted on them by those who love them.”, you’re asking them to a) buy into the idea that they are, in fact, chained by “repressive gender roles” and “insiduous, multi-generational guilt”; b) buy into the values you espouse - to become “our kind of people”; and c) to replace their their culture with your culture as their source of identity. That’s pretty powerful stuff, and it *is* an exercise of power, if it is successful. While you may derive no monetary benefit (you’d make the same salary if you didn’t do that), and no sexual benefit, you are getting to exercise power over other people in a way that goes somewhat beyond the normal exercise of power in a teacher-student relationship. Does a math teacher get to have the sort of influence over her students the way you do, even though they are imparting perfect universal truths to their students?
One very large failing of the left is its inability or unwillingness to recognize that the desire for power can exist for its own sake, and that it can be as damaging, and is as corruptible, as the desire for money or sex.
You’ll get a response, Anthony, I promise.
Hugo, with all due respect, it would have been far better for you to have ignored accusations that you enjoy wielding power over those youth whom you help. You’ve fallen for the trap implied by the “do you still beat your wife?” sort of questions. After all, one expects the person asked to issue a denial. We want the expert opinion of the wife.
But I’m not surprised you’ve been subject to these rankling insinuations, regardless of their veracity. A man who can’t bring himself to believe that relations between older men and younger women aren’t ipso facto exploitation and who seems to enjoy, in a tsk-tsk fashion, ascribing the lowest possible motivation to anyone with a XY chromosome makeup, is going to arouse the desire to be foisted with his own petard. I say this as one who believes you.
As for Anthony, I guess he’s never heard of leftists who’ve read and agree with Nietzsche. He must assume we’re all Kumbayah-singing types. Perhaps a collection can be made to buy him a copy of “Anti-Oedipus”.