While a quick furtive glance at an attractive male is said to be adequate from a woman’s perspective, to assess or “enjoy” the momentary vision of someone of the opposite sex, this type of compulsive obsession to stare intently at (mostly) young white skinned males would seem like a borderline personality disorder where the resistance to this urge might result in uncontrolled levels of distress or anxiety.

I would like to hear of any others who might have personal experience of this or know of instances where it has been evident, as the medical/ psychological fraternity does not seem to have much data of clinical evidence in this area.

I’d like to hear comments from women on a subject that has long been a source of confusion to me. The comments I’m hearing in this post indicate a woman’s discomfort with a man’s glance, yet with increasing frequency these days, I’m finding it hard to keep my eyes looking above the shoulders with the all the plunging necklines, lowered pant waists, short skirts, etc.

When women dress the way they do these days and then complain about men looking at them, I find it confusing (correctly or incorrectly assuming by this statement, that some women who have posted dress this way). What are the expectations of women who dress like this? What are the motives behind it?

–how would you feel if your fourteen-year-old daughter had men she didn’t know wolf-whistle her or call “Baby, where you going?” to her on the street?

–how would you feel if a gay man twice your size were catcalling you, etc.?

Your friend is also an idiot because he cannot distinguish between compliments from friends, and commentary from strangers whose intent you don’t know. Is he really trying to say that he’s just as likely to be a harasser or rapist as some random guy on the street yelling “Baby, where you going”?

If your friend can place his name or a coveted object (car, coffee table, video game) in the grammatical position of the woman in that sentence, it’s hardly a compliment. How many people say to a car on the lot, “You look nice,” or “That’s a good color for you,” or “I like your hair”? “How do you get your hair to do that?” is not a compliment.

The astute reader can recognize necessary elements for a compliment, and the most basic of these is a positive statement. One may split hairs over determining the positive or negative intent of wolf whistles and catcalls, although if a man on the street sought clarity of meaning, the non-verbal option is not a well-reasoned choice.

“Sure,” I replied, “But I already know you value me for more than what I look like. All I know about a random man on the street calling ‘Baby, where you going?’ is he wants me sexually or at least wants me to think he does.”

My friend said I was judging the man based on too limited data. Then he said it was hypocritical to enjoy compliments from friends but reject them from strangers.

Thoughts?

I second you. As a very small (4′10″) asian woman, I’ve been on the receiving end of really aggressive leering (I think my race/stature seem to embolden certain types of men), and it’s an incredibly distressing experience on the receiving end and often, it’s not innocuous- it’s threatening. After working at bars, mens that leer extensively are far more likely to attempt to follow me home, etc.

He isn’t ogling her at this point- if I was the blonde woman, I would consider his staring to be threatening.

That said–this guy has way bigger problems than a thing for young blondes. He isn’t just ogling this woman–he is going out of his way to sit and stare at her long periods of time, over and over, to the point of affecting his worship as well as his marriage.