Dunno where you’re from, but in most of my married friends are dual-income, where the wife pays into the bills as much as the guy. I know several wives who are currently breadwinners so their hubbies can get graduate degrees or so their husband can pursue a career they “enjoy’ rather than ones that bring home the dough.

In fact, I know 2 guys that receive alimony from their more successful ex-wives.

I’m sorry that you keep running into women that aren’t compatible with you. Maybe you would do best to see why you’re attracted to/attract these the types of women you gloriously complain about?

Don’t tell me: the parts where it’s suggested that women are the problem, you like, the parts where it’s suggested that the wife’s libido might be affected by her husband’s behavior, you don’t. ;)

That said, again, you turn right around and make it men vs. women again, relying on your own perceptions about marriage (not even ‘anecdotal evidence’) to gripe about how women not only won’t put out for hubby, but get a perverse pleasure out of saying no. (Women, apparently, having no interested in sex except as a weapon.)

I imagine that if I offered ‘anecdotal evidence’ that ‘often’ married men use “she doesn’t put out when I say, how I say, whenever I say” as an excuse to go sniffing after fresh tail, you’d be outraged that I’m making sexist and overbroad generalizations about men. I’m willing to be told I’m wrong, but I suspect you’d be equally suspicious if I suggested that some of that ‘anecdotal evidence’ about Mrs. Spiteful Bitch might come from men whose wives have reasons other than spite for shutting down.

Again, I’d suggest you go read that blog, which is not about blaming men, portraying women as angels, or telling anyone to suck it up; it’s a very personal blog by a woman who (in her words) was “the frigid wife”, and how she and her husband worked through the things that got in the way of their having a love life.

I am usually, or almost always, in agreement with the things your write.

In this case, though, there is something that really jumps out at me: That’s what marriage IS - the man commits himself to a woman with regard to finances, and the woman doesn’t make any tangible commitment at all. The man can literally be subject to imprisonment if he doesn’t follow the court’s instructions upon divorce, there is nothing I can think of that a woman can be forced to do. The courts are certainly not going to order her to clean his house and have sex with him in return for the (post-divorce) money that he forks over to her.

In that respect, there is a very easy solution, and a solution that I have always followed: Don’t get married if you don’t want to have your nuts put in her handbag.

You can live with women for years. Sex is readily available, even with the “real girlfriend experience”. There is simply no point in marrying.

Look, if I’ve made myself unclear let me try again. I know that it’s not always the woman who is holding out on the sex, though plenty of anecdotal evidence indicates it’s her a significant majority of the time (I know of no actual study that has been done on the subject and I believe people lie on sex surveys anyway, even anonymous ones). I know that it’s not always done out of spite or because somebody is trying to be a bitch (or a bastard)–there are sometimes real physical or emotional problems in play. I believe two people should try to work it out when they can.

But it seems like our culture often puts the sexual needs of a hetero married man off the stove entirely, never mind the backburner. Women seem amazed and sometimes even amused that men are frustrated and angry over it. Fuck that. If I make a promise to buy my diabetes medicine from only one supplier that supplier had better come through regularly or the deal is off and I’m finding another. If at some point the pharmacy on the corner starts holding out on me–and especially if they refuse to give me a good reason why–I’m going to the pharmacy the next block over. Better yet, I’m not signing some insane contract with my pharmacist that legally binds me to buy glucotrol from him and only him and yet allows him to stop providing if he goes through a long stretch of “just not feeling like filling orders tonight.” Same goes for my sex life.

JG, you presume quite a lot about me. Like that I’m a housewife. Or that I am (will) marry up. For your narrow-minded information, I am an aviation major currently working my way through college as a technician. My fiance? Also an aviation major. If anything, I’m marrying “down” because he’s maxed out with loans.

But that’s neither here nor there: my mother for most of my life was a stay-at-home-wife and mother. I would have taken my dad’s very exhausting, very respectable federal agent job any damn day of the week over the labor she put in keep that house running. My dad would come home, sit down and drink a few beers. If was the weekend, he might do some minor maintence and lawn work. My mom was the one up first, and the last to go to sleep. If she ever watched “Oprah” there was socks matched, or clothes ironed while she was watching it. She was also the one who kept my dad from getting fired, the one who did the networking and made sure the boss was invited for dinner (and cooked that dinner). Amazing on how after my mom got a career of her own, my dad’s career started to peter off, isn’t it?

If you are under the impression that housewives don’t do work, you are sadly mistaken. That why I say you haven’t a clue on the level it take for a house to run smoothly.

I mean someone has to “marry up” in every relationship.

I couldn’t disagree more. It’s true that in the past, lack of access to economic opportunity and education meant that women’s social status was inextricably linked to their choice in husbands. But thanks to our feminist foremothers, many women today do have the ability to thrive economically without reliance on a man. That’s a good thing for women, who are less likely to be trapped in bad marriages by financial insecurity, and a good thing for men — who are less likely to be the targets of those who only want security.

My wife and I have equal earning power. I know she, a successful businesswoman, didn’t marry a college professor for his vast sums. She married me for my charm and my fashion sense, and I married her for her laugh.

I don’t see how, as I don’t actually expect people who enjoy seeing the other sex as Teh Enemy to be ashamed of it.

Chief, I’d highly recommend the blog Why Your Wife Won’t Have Sex With You. It’s non-blaming, positive and optimistic, so you can leave the chip off your shoulder when you go over there. ;)

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That’s called “shaming language”. I’m pretty much immune to it now, but I wanted to point that out for your benefit.

I see society as it really is. Women really do “marry up” more than men. That’s not necessarily good or bad, I mean someone has to “marry up” in every relationship, LOL, but it creates a distinct set of problems for men vis-a-vis women.

There are also things to look at with regard to sexual interest / manipulation in society. Just something to look at, the situations are NOT symmetric for men and women.

While I agree with you wholeheartedly, what I was referring to was an establishment where gay men go to have anonymous sex with one another, rather than institutions where the pretense is that female prostitutes are providing ‘bathing’ or ‘massage’ services.

And no, Chief, I wasn’t about to accuse you of adultery; I’m just not following the logic that says if you’re in a marriage with somebody who hates you and wants to hurt you, that the smartest alternative is to do something spiteful right back that will make the marriage worse and reduce your chances of a fair result in divorce even further.

As for attitude, again, you seem to be of the opinion that if one person doesn’t want to have sex as often as the other, the only possible reasons are a medical condition or pure vindictiveness.

JG, my reality is one where men and women are human beings, rather than one where men are innocent martyrs to the grasping, greedy claws of lazy females who hate sex and live to deprive men of it. If that’s your reality, I think you need to figure out why.