True, we don’t live in a society where violent rape is acceptable (mostly). But we do live in a society where the sexual exploitation of women and enforcing gender roles through pressure up to and including violence is acceptable. If an uncle of yours lived in a state where there was a marital-rape exemption, would you be willing to remain close in the hopes that he would come to realize raping your aunt was wrong?

What I’m getting at is that if you think eating meat is not merely wrong, but is murder, it seems that you’re making excuses for friends by saying “oh, they can’t help it, they were raised in this society” or “well, maybe they will learn from my example.” The same logic would apply to a rapist.

I can’t answer for Hugo, but for me, no, of course I couldn’t be close friends with someone who said those things. Likewise, I wouldn’t stop myself from judging them, just as I judge meat-eaters in private. Moreover, I am not close friends with people who do not share my core values. (Key word: close)

But I have to take my judgments in context. After all, most vegans ate meat at one time in their lives and made the conscious choice to stop. I ate meat until age six and I ate dairy off and on until age 31.

We live in a society that not only allows meat eating, but a society that promotes it. It’s very different than any of the analogies you suggested.

The animal rights movement, like the feminist movement and the civil rights movements are called movements because that’s what they’re about: change, evolution, shift. Hugo and I, by choosing to befriend those who haven’t yet moved to embrace a more humane lifestyle are not condoning their inhumane actions. We are simply recognizing that the movement is moving and they’re stuck behind it, in outdated and wrong ideas. And our passions may be elsewhere, but these people are still family, they’re still friends, they’re still people who deserve respect.

Yes, silence is consent in many issues, but we’re not talking about being completely silent. We’re talking about being respectful, being polite, choosing to argue a different point. Hugo’s talking about attending family functions. I’m talking about reminding people their food is a choice, not a natural or necessary thing. Neither of us condone meat-eating in our blogs. Neither of us preach about the value of omnivorism. We’re both actively pro-vegan.

And remembering that these are movements and that all the people involved in them are moving and changing, perhaps my thoughts about openly judging people will change over time.

I have a grandmother who is racist. Should I disown her? Should I try to convert her? Or should I just limit my relationship with her so that I’m comfortable, and if she ever comes around and sees the light, well, then I can expand that relationship. It’s not likely she’ll come around. So, I’m just going to keep sending her birthday cards and wishing her well and let that be that.

Again, you’re mixing up a lot of issues — family vs. friends, and imperfect behavior vs. vile, or even evil, morals and behavior. Could you really be friends with somebody who told you “I actually really get off on rape, and I spend my vacation in countries where there’s no real legal consequences as long as I pick the right target”? Would you be able to lovingly, but respectfully, disagree with a person who raised dogs or chickens for fighting? What about someone who agreed that fur farms are horrible, but couldn’t bring himself to give up his chinchilla jacket?

Would you really be able to set aside your opinions of such behavior and say “Gosh, people stuck by me when I was an asshole, so who am I to judge you?”

Wisdom has only recently begun to play even a small factor in my “who I’m friends with” decision making, so gosh, I’m not sure. Good question.

Do you believe that theism is a moral wrong, akin to murder?

Hugo, it may be “possible” to love somebody you believe is making immoral and unjustifiable choices, but is it wise? We choose friends, unlike family members.

This isn’t about disagreement; it’s about values and morals. I can be friends with a Wiccan; I can’t be friends with somebody who believes rape is justifiable, especially if I know that person is a rapist. I

Isn’t saying something like “Meat is murder, but I still want to be your friend” a little like saying, “Well, Mr. Gacy, except for the 30 boys buried in your crawlspace, you’re a helluva guy!”

No, because as Hugo pointed out, murdering humans is not condoned by our society. Murdering humans is not promoted by every other television commercial. Human murder is not illegal.

I am an atheist, feminist vegan. I can be friends with meat-eaters just the same way that I can be friends with theists. I don’t have to share ALL of my values with my friends, just some of them.

That said, my best friend, my husband, is an atheist, pro-feminist vegan.