Hugo Williams not only has a fine Christian name, he’s the “poet of the man I used to be.” I put up his “Her News” in this regard last year.
I prayed this prayer many times in my twenties. I haven’t prayed it since well before the end of the last century, thank God. But I know many who pray it still today, and I cannot read it now without an awful shudder of recognition.
Prayer
God give me strength to lead a double life.
Cut me in half.
Make each half happy in its own way
with what is left.
Let me disobey
my own best instincts
and do what I want to do, whatever that may be
without regretting it, or thinking that I might.
When I come late at night from home,
saying I have to go away,
remind me to look out the window,
to see which house I’m in.
Pin a smile on my face
when I turn up two weeks later with a tan
and presents for everyone.
Teach me how to stand and where to look
when I say the words
about where I’ve been
and what sort of time I’ve had.
Was it good or bad or somewhere in between?
I’d like to know how I feel about these things,
perhaps you’d let me know?
When it’s time to go to bed in one of my lives,
go ahead of me up the stairs,
shine a light in the corners of my room.
Tell me this: do I wear pajamas here,
or sleep with nothing on?
If you can’t oblige me by cutting me in half,
God give me strength to lead a double life.
It’s brilliant, it’s devastating, and it’s reason enough for me to praise God for giving me the freedom to be — at last — one man leading one life.
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