Where I come from, you were being antagonistic with your faux friendliness.

You obviously would not have pulled the same kind of behavior if you were not in your comfy tenured-PCC environment. This is an embarassing post and paints you in a snooty, “my shit don’t smell” kind of light…

Hugo,

Sometimes winking can be considered patronizing or rude. Remember it’s body language and got to ask youself what message did you want to convey to Manuel when you winked.

I’m a great urinal talker myself. Utterly shameless.

Remember, folks, Men’s Rights Advocates invariably accuse feminist men of

1. being gay

2. being filled with self-loathing

3. using feminism as a pretense to score with women.

If you’re lucky enough, you’ll get accused of all three simultaneously!

;-)

Just yesterday, a good male friend referred to me as “brother” and even added, “I love you, man.” It was genuine, sincere, and touching. My friend wasn’t trying to be someone he is not. He was merely expressing affection.

On the other hand, people are brought up in different families in different ways. Although I am of European ancestry, I am not a WASP, so I don’t know WASP codes of conduct, except to the limited extent that I have been able to infer bits and pieces of those codes from interacting with a variety of people. What is familar and comfortable to me might seem very strange and uncomfortable to Hugo or any other person who did not grow up in the same kind of environment. In my opinion, the diversity and variety are enriching if we allow them to be. Really, who is to say what is right in these situations? I don’t think there is any one-size-fits-all answer.

I can appreciate the difficulty of interacting with work colleagues who seem disagreeable to us. Such interactions can be uncomfortable and unpleasant. At my office, there are two guys I dislike, and they don’t have much use for me. I am willing to take responsibility for my faults in creating a disagreeable situation. Despite a lot of effort, though, I have not yet found a way to fix it. Nevertheless, when I encounter either of these guys, I’ll greet them by their first names. I’ll say something like, “Good morning, Matt,” or “Have a good weekend, Tim.” That’s despite the fact that I would probably very eagerly put the gloves on to settle our differences with either of them. No doubt, Matt and Tim would probably love to have a chance to pound on me as well!

My greetings to those two men are civil, but not overly friendly. I don’t offer a lot of words, I don’t pretend to be friends with them, and I don’t try to appear interested in many details of their lives because I really am not. I give them a very basic respect as human beings but, honestly, that’s as far as it goes. I’m not terribly happy about that, but I don’t lose sleep over it.

That works for me. I would feel very odd greeting those guys with a display of friendliness like Hugo described. That would not fit me well. Yet, I can see how it could work for Hugo since he is conforming his conduct to a somewhat different approach to dealing with people.

Is Hugo wrong? No, that is his way of communicating. Am I wrong? I don’t think so. We simply have different ways of interacting. I think we can learn a lot from discussing the diversity of communications styles–and being more tolerant of others whose practices differ from our own.