I couldn’t agree more. I’m 32, and it took me until 30 to realise the positive social status bestowed on partnered (nay, married) women. The benefits are many, and immense. And (other) women recognise this: it’s not just the biological clock that sends women scurrying to the aisle, after all, babies can occur outside of marriages too.

“There are ways of getting away from that. I am 28, single, have lived in various different countries and speak 3 languages, I write poetry, I jog, etc.”

I applaud your talents. And I used to feel this way at your age, too. I’ve lived on the other side of the world, travelled very widely, gained a stellar education, risen in my career, lived independently for years, and looked after myself. Unfortunately, when all my friends partnered off, I was left trying to prove to society that a woman’s accomplishments also contribute to her societal value. Only, I discovered the cold, hard truth: they don’t. I can guarantee that anyone who tells you otherwise, especially a woman, is nodding at you patronisingly as she speaks.

“We can get away from the “no man=failure” bs by accomplishing other things, having full lives completely independent of the men in them and by chosing communities who accept and even encourage this.”

Yes we can, but it involves grieving the dream of wider social approval that we all crave. I’ve started my journey towards single motherhood by choice.

“On the other hand, there are men who want the “older woman.” I am 37 and get regular attention from men 10 to 15 years younger than I am.”

Me too, but I’m not interested in one-night stands.

“Many mid-life women feel that men almost always go for the younger woman. Although statistics say that men marry within three years of their age, they feel that that only holds when they are young.”

In my experience, in a big city, I couldn’t agree more. I know it’s wrong, and perhaps shameful because of the helplessness such a sentiment conveys, but I feel betrayed that no-one told me that partnering with a man my age was most likely when I was in my twenties.

“I didn’t want anything to do with the nincompoops who hassled girls on the street when I was 20 - Why on earth would I need their affirmation now that I’m 45?”

You don’t need them to affirm your value because your desirability because you’re married – your wedding ring gives you social status, confirms your desirability, and boosts your value in the community. Single women over thirty don’t have that social status, confirmation of their desirability, or an advanced social standing in the community. Don’t underestimate the power of such absences to wreak havoc with self-worth – catcalls are ludicrous, but they’re at least confirmation that you’re still attractive, in one way or another, to someone who may or may not be. Reciprocal attraction is not the issue here.

“Well anyways just to let you know, we may have to accept this reality as women, but it does hurt someplace deep inside.”

Yes, it does. It hurts very much, and no one deserves to have such hurt invalidated by people who have taken different life routes.

“I’ve also noticed that society seems to age women sooner than men. Women 35 and older are seen as OLD. “

Did I mention that I’m 32 and petrified? I can’t believe I woke up to this fact so late. Please tell your daughters the truth – not how you want society to view women, but how they do view women.

“It’s narcissistic to assume that women like older (looking) men. Fat bellies, baldness, gray/white hair, and dirty old look, especially in professors disgust us profoundly.”

I agree, it’s a ridiculous myth that women find such older men attractive. Equally ridiculous is the high rating such men give their appearance – not their inner qualities, their appearance. Don’t believe me? Head to any online dating website to see how many ugly men over 40 rate themselves as beautiful, and prefer slim women aged 20-30.

I’m frightened. But I’m embarking on single motherhood, and hoping that maybe, one day, I might meet a man to share the ups and downs with life with. Only, now I know how society works.

I am 43 but not completely invisible as yet. I can easily pass for 33 and have a younger bf. I am trying to close that deal, because it does get harder for single women. Men are attracted to younger women, I like younger men. Generally, we all look better when we’re younger. Beauty, good looks, is the “fuckability factor” its nature’s signal that you are fit for mating, so naturally it peaks in youth. Men like us young, and that’s just simple biology. Everything you can do to stay attractive and fit can’t hurt. Don’t think that letting yourself go and expecting men to take you as you are is going to work.

And for heaven’s sake do not listen to those idiots who say you’re desperate, holding on to your youth, and all that crap, just because you want to dye your hair or not dress like Hilary Clinton. We should all be keeping fit and attractive. That’s not just for young people.

I’ve also noticed that society seems to age women sooner than men. Women 35 and older are seen as OLD. When you consistently see in popular culture women paired up with men 15 and 20 years their senior, and young actresses playing the mothers of people who are only 5 – 10 years younger, you get a perception that women who look a certain way are older than their actual age.

The fashion industry can be blamed as well. What reason can their possibly be to hire a 13, 14, 15 and 16 year olds to model products that are sold to adult women? Well, I know why. Many of these girls are effortlessly bone thin. Adult women have curves. But again, it’s a distortion of womanhood to have the girl represent the woman. Now the face of the girl is seen as the face of the woman so that actual women 25, 30, 40 suddenly seem “elderly”

So, I’ve created a survey to find that out. If you wish to participate (10 questions long), please go to

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=vVdXHdoBoWnsIhqL8e7Z6w_3d_3d.

Thanks!
Casey Dawes
Wise Woman Shining
http://www.WiseWomanShining.com