Comments on: Humility and humiliation, self-loathing and hubris: a long and personal post about addiction and self-awareness http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/ Fri, 05 Dec 2008 10:09:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Hugo Schwyzer http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-159150 Hugo Schwyzer Thu, 29 Nov 2007 15:50:38 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-159150 Alex, in recovery we would say that your sister suffers from the "affliction of terminal uniqueness". It's a heck of a hard thing to kick, I know. Alex, in recovery we would say that your sister suffers from the “affliction of terminal uniqueness”. It’s a heck of a hard thing to kick, I know.

]]> By: Alex http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-158861 Alex Thu, 29 Nov 2007 05:24:12 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-158861 Hugo, Thanks for the reply. The holidays kept me away until today. My sister is not in treatment, she was seeing a therapist and was about to see a psychiatrist but she lost her health insurance, which is really unfortunate. She seems to want to be understood and gotten, although she also seems to want to feel that she is the only one that feels he way she does. Hugo, Thanks for the reply. The holidays kept me away until today. My sister is not in treatment, she was seeing a therapist and was about to see a psychiatrist but she lost her health insurance, which is really unfortunate. She seems to want to be understood and gotten, although she also seems to want to feel that she is the only one that feels he way she does.

]]> By: Hugo Schwyzer http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-152396 Hugo Schwyzer Mon, 19 Nov 2007 19:55:09 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-152396 For me, Alex, the vital thing was finding community with other people who "got it." Twelve step programs were incredibly helpful, as for the first time in my life I sat in rooms with other people who "got it". Those who could help me were only those whom I felt could understand who I was. Is your sister in treatment? For me, Alex, the vital thing was finding community with other people who “got it.” Twelve step programs were incredibly helpful, as for the first time in my life I sat in rooms with other people who “got it”. Those who could help me were only those whom I felt could understand who I was. Is your sister in treatment?

]]> By: Alex http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-152375 Alex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 19:31:31 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-152375 Hugo, I really appreciate your openness to talk about your journey. I have a sister who has struggled with depression and addiction, and I have often heard her make extreme statements on both the grandiose and self-loathing sides of the spectrum. I also find that when I try to normalize some of what she experiences, she gets offended that I think her pain is not "unique", I think because of the grandiosity that likes to imagine herself as being the only one who could tolerate what she has. I guess I would like to ask you how to respond to her? Especially as someone who has not experienced depression or addiction, but loves my sister very much and want to walk alongside her in her journey. Were there any helpful comments regarding these feelings that you heard along the way? How would you respond now? Hugo,
I really appreciate your openness to talk about your journey. I have a sister who has struggled with depression and addiction, and I have often heard her make extreme statements on both the grandiose and self-loathing sides of the spectrum. I also find that when I try to normalize some of what she experiences, she gets offended that I think her pain is not “unique”, I think because of the grandiosity that likes to imagine herself as being the only one who could tolerate what she has. I guess I would like to ask you how to respond to her? Especially as someone who has not experienced depression or addiction, but loves my sister very much and want to walk alongside her in her journey. Were there any helpful comments regarding these feelings that you heard along the way? How would you respond now?

]]> By: Hugo Schwyzer http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-152172 Hugo Schwyzer Mon, 19 Nov 2007 15:31:05 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-152172 Thank you, Daisy. From one self-mutilator to another, I get it. "Like everyone else". I have always disliked that phrase, but I know how vital it is for me to accept it. Thank you, Daisy. From one self-mutilator to another, I get it.

“Like everyone else”. I have always disliked that phrase, but I know how vital it is for me to accept it.

]]> By: Daisy Bond http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151855 Daisy Bond Mon, 19 Nov 2007 07:45:03 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151855 This post really, really resonates with me -- I'd never encountered that self-hate/grandiosity combination anywhere outside my own head. I still fall into an old, painful emotional pattern in which my self-hate makes me want to hurt myself (being a former self-mutilator), which makes me hate myself, which makes me want to hurt myself... I eventually discovered that the only way to break the cycle is to respond to my inner voice with unconditional love (i.e. metta, agape, lovingkindness), which is incredibly difficult. It requires transcending my ego enough to love myself as a simple, sentient being, thereby acknowledging that that's what I am: alive and lovely like everyone else (keywords "like everyone else"). I don't manage to do it enough of the time. This post really, really resonates with me — I’d never encountered that self-hate/grandiosity combination anywhere outside my own head.

I still fall into an old, painful emotional pattern in which my self-hate makes me want to hurt myself (being a former self-mutilator), which makes me hate myself, which makes me want to hurt myself… I eventually discovered that the only way to break the cycle is to respond to my inner voice with unconditional love (i.e. metta, agape, lovingkindness), which is incredibly difficult. It requires transcending my ego enough to love myself as a simple, sentient being, thereby acknowledging that that’s what I am: alive and lovely like everyone else (keywords “like everyone else”). I don’t manage to do it enough of the time.

]]> By: Hugo Schwyzer http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151799 Hugo Schwyzer Mon, 19 Nov 2007 05:52:17 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151799 True, Kate, just like many "normal" people get drunk every once in a while or overeat on Thanksgiving or have a one-night stand with a co-worker they regret. It's just a different degree of intensity for the addict. Over-confidence is low-degree grandiosity; insecurity is a low-degree of agonizing shame. The addict is just like everyone else -- only more so! When I told my ex "I'm the strongest man you'll ever meet", I meant it. In the mouths of the "normie", those sort of statements are deliberate hyperbole. In the mouth of the addict, it's meant with absolute sincerity, just as the "I'm shit, I've always been shit" is a genuine reflection of abject despair. True, Kate, just like many “normal” people get drunk every once in a while or overeat on Thanksgiving or have a one-night stand with a co-worker they regret. It’s just a different degree of intensity for the addict. Over-confidence is low-degree grandiosity; insecurity is a low-degree of agonizing shame. The addict is just like everyone else — only more so!

When I told my ex “I’m the strongest man you’ll ever meet”, I meant it. In the mouths of the “normie”, those sort of statements are deliberate hyperbole. In the mouth of the addict, it’s meant with absolute sincerity, just as the “I’m shit, I’ve always been shit” is a genuine reflection of abject despair.

]]> By: Kate http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151731 Kate Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:41:21 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151731 What you describe doesn't seem all that unusual to me - I think a lot of people spend a lot of their lives swinging back and forth between (over-)confidence and insecurity, regardless of whether this emotional oscillation is accompanied by addictive or compulsive behaviors. Accepting one's own averageness is almost always a struggle. (Or maybe I'm projecting on this one.) What you describe doesn’t seem all that unusual to me - I think a lot of people spend a lot of their lives swinging back and forth between (over-)confidence and insecurity, regardless of whether this emotional oscillation is accompanied by addictive or compulsive behaviors. Accepting one’s own averageness is almost always a struggle. (Or maybe I’m projecting on this one.)

]]> By: J. K. Gayle http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151633 J. K. Gayle Mon, 19 Nov 2007 01:07:29 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151633 Thanks for this, for giving so much away. You inspire the rest of us to do the same. Thanks for this, for giving so much away. You inspire the rest of us to do the same.

]]> By: Hugo Schwyzer http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151573 Hugo Schwyzer Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:40:25 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2007/11/18/humility-and-humiliation-self-loathing-and-hubris-a-long-and-personal-post-about-addiction-and-self-awareness/#comment-151573 It was, as one doc put it, a constellation of things, including a cluster of personality disorders and a touch of mania. I wrote more about that here: http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/09/08/a-long-post-about-mental-illness-and-transformation-replying-to-the-happy-feminist/ It was, as one doc put it, a constellation of things, including a cluster of personality disorders and a touch of mania. I wrote more about that here:

http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/09/08/a-long-post-about-mental-illness-and-transformation-replying-to-the-happy-feminist/

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