Because Anne Sexton ended up taking her own life, this poem — with its brief, defiant rejection of suicide - is all the more poignant. Like most people who love poetry, I’ve connected with different poets at different times over the years, but there are only a handful whose complete body of work has always moved me. Robinson Jeffers is one, and Sexton another. I’ve never put this poem up for TSP before, largely because it’s so viscerally connected to a very dark time in my life. (It’s also a bit longer than what normally goes up, so it’s beneath the fold.)
I remember reading the collected works of Anne Sexton over and over again during a fourteen-day involuntary stay on the locked psych ward at what was then CPC Alhambra, a private facility a few miles from Pasadena. It was the summer of 1996, and I was near bottom, having only just survived yet another suicide attempt, this time by massive overdose of prescription drugs. In the hospital, I was heavily medicated, but I still found comfort in books: Robertson Davies’ “Deptford Trilogy” and an anthology of Sexton. If the staff had been more literarily inclined, they might have confiscated the latter text. I’m glad they didn’t, because I found much comfort in this difficult, breathtaking poem.
And often, that chaotic June and July, I said to myself “Even crazy, I’m nice as a chocolate bar.” I still say it sometimes now. But what really resonated for me in that summer were the last eight lines. And as it happened, in no small way thanks to Sexton, I made it through that dark time by discovering “I am not what I expected.” And in the end, I said “Live”. It still hurts me that Sexton, whose own madness so closely paralleled my own, didn’t end up saying the same in the end. Continue reading ‘Thursday Short Poem and a note about madness: Sexton’s “Live”’
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