I am a shy guy and believe me, to ask a woman has always been a torture. Making you exposed to rejection is not easy either for men or women. Neither men or women like to initiate.

A thing women don’t understand how hard is initiating for men. They think we have a special chip in the head, so it doesn’t hurt when you are rejected. Not true. I have seem women treating me like a shit only because I dare to talk to them. Not fair.

Thank God, after 30s, your testosterone recedes and you are not willing to pay the price of humilation, only to talk to a woman. So you don’t initiate. Amazingly, these ages the balance of power shifts and women are making themselves available and throwing lots of non-subtle signals. But you get jaded of the game. I prefer to focus on my hobbies. I haven’t been to clubs for years.

Anyway, if the man doesn’t initiate, there is no game. But these strategy harms women. As you say, women can’t choose the best prospects, only those who talk to them. So it is a drawback for women who end up having boyfriends worse than they would have if they initiated.

Moreover, the men who are more willing to initiate, are “players”. So women end up with these guys, who are willing to say all the lies women want to hear. These “players” are having all the game, while nice and shy guys (the ones who would make good husbands) get rotten.

But the second part is that a player has a skill to meet women. So, why the hell has he to stay with one? Thinking a player will stay with a woman who he likes is like thinking a woman would stop buying clothes because she has just bought a dress which she likes. It is not going to happen.

So, when the player leaves and the woman is heart broken, she says “Where have all the good men gone?”. They are everywhere but they are fed up about being rejected because they are not so cool as the players.

So the strategy of letting the men initiate, assures that women get the worse prospect. With these strategy, women trade good man for convenience. Not wise. Not wise at all.

I see that your argument about me is an “ad hominem” attack. You are angry against the world because you are not slim and then tell me things about me without knowing me.

In fact, when I said Lori Gottlieb was “smoking hot”, I was only saying that she was very attractive for most American men, so she was able to get all the attention she wanted and more (As she says in her article, getting a boyfriend was never a problem). Saying “hot” is the most convenient way to say that, because you don’t want to explain things with a lot of detail in a post.

Personally, I don’t find it Gottlieb attractive. I don’t like women so skinny (I don’t like fat and ugly either, sorry). I don’t like to hug a lot of bones. In fact, Gottlieb had anorexia, a disease which was unfortunately suffered by my sister, who I love a lot. Her thinness is unnatural. But this look seems to be very popular between American men.

Anyway, I haven’t moaning over a woman since I was 13 years old. If they want an attention fix, it is their problem.

where does that leave us fat, ugly girls who are not platinum bimbo blonde and a size 00?

The same place where men who have not a good income are. Being single. Please, stop making personal attacks to other people because they speak the truth and you do not want to hear it.

Mind you, I’m shy myself, so I only rarely made the first move, back in the day when I was single. But the times I did beat the times I tried settling for dating someone I didn’t like all that much. And I’m glad I didn’t settle for very long or take the settling too far.

And the times I didn’t ask, and instead hoped for the guy to read my mind? I’m not going to argue that that’s what women in general should do, because it’s unfair to put a man on the spot and make him come up with a way to tactfully reject you, or something. It was just me being shy and introverted.

It couldn’t be from having men like you — and here, I quote you: “she was hot, she was young and hot, she was smoking hot” — slobbering and drooling and moaning over them and tripping over yourselves to please them for that first part of their hot lives, could it?

Of course, the problem seems to be, given the fact that we are inundated with the media images of “perfect” — “hungry all the time” being admitted to by gorgeous actresses like Julianne Moore notwithstanding — and that men are so much “more visual” — although then I don’t know why you all can’t see the mustard in the refrigerator when it is right in front of you — where does that leave us fat, ugly girls who are not platinum bimbo blonde and a size 00?

As a man, I find the article rather depressing. Is this what women want? A sucker who provides labour and money? A tool for the upbringing of kids, completely dispensable and replaceable?

I think the writer is too extreme.

1) Before she had a kid, she was smoking hot. See for example her picture in http://www.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8823&menuid=6&lid=429
So she became picky and rejected a lot of good prospects. “I also dated someone who appeared to be highly compatible with me—we had much in common, and strong physical chemistry—but while our sensibilities were similar, they proved to be a half-note off, so we never quite felt in harmony, or never viewed the world through quite the same lens.” Apparently she was looking for a clone or for the infamous Prince Charming of tales. Too bad that tales are fiction.

Because she was so hot and young, she didn’t bother to grow up, because there were always guys who are willing to support their childish attitude only because she was so hot. She only thought of HER but not the other person. Pure narcissism.

She tought this would last forever. She thought that a steady supply of guys will always be knocking on her door, so she could wait for the man who was perfect while having a great time meanwhile.

2) Then, when their biological clock was ticking, instead of marrying a good guy, he kept on dreaming of Mr. Perfect. So she thought she was able to be a single mom and, after that, meeting Prince Charming. Definitely, she had not grown. She believed the world revolved around her.

3) Now that the consequences of their actions are chasing her, she wants a quick fix, like a spoiled six-year-old. She wanted a child but she didn’t realized that children are not dolls but people who require a MAJOR work and commitment. She aged quickly, as she admits. See a picture of her after her baby here http://www.jewishjournal.com/home/searchview.php?id=17111
She discovered that attracting alpha guys is harder when you are a single mom. Really? What a discovery! I would never have thought so.

So she is desperate to find somebody (just anybody) who brings a paycheck and work to raise her child. A Walking Wallet and Baby-sitter. Like when she was hot, it is only about HER. She has not grown up and don’t have empathy about the guy. Even she claims that if things don’t work out, she will divorce and get child support. She is older but she hasn’t developed empathy about other people. It is only about ME!ME!ME!

This is a very common between hot girls. They don’t age well. They develop narcissistic attitudes when they are hot and they are devastated when their looks fade and the world is not willing anymore to put up with their crap. So they want to be rescued in order to avoid growing up. Rescued by a sucker like the one Ms. Gottlieb is looking for.