Comments on: My wife is not my daughter: a response to April Bleske-Rechek http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:07:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Rainbow http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-253829 Rainbow Thu, 06 Mar 2008 23:04:08 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-253829 Just make sure you periodically hire a private detective to check on your loving spouse. Your open, loving spouse who has to work late for the sake of the family may really be busy with 1-20 lovers, emptying the bank account, conning you out of your life savings, and totally destroying your life while saying to your face how much she/he loves you. Just make sure you periodically hire a private detective to check on your loving spouse. Your open, loving spouse who has to work late for the sake of the family may really be busy with 1-20 lovers, emptying the bank account, conning you out of your life savings, and totally destroying your life while saying to your face how much she/he loves you.

]]> By: charlotte http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250783 charlotte Tue, 04 Mar 2008 19:10:52 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250783 I have a lot of friends (and foes) of the opposite sex--comes with the male-dominated field in which I work (aerospace engineering). I've found that the key is to introduce my husband to the guys I work with, so that each of them can put a face to a name and/ or social designation. The same goes for him, as well (I know the women with whom he works). we have pictures of each other on our desks at work, as a visual reminder of how much we are in love and how we've chosen to spend the rest of our lives together. And when I say "chosen," I mean exactly that: We came together as two free agents and equals who made a choice to spend the rest of our lives together as interdependent equals--not as each other's possession. And that patriarchal slut-remark? That's just offensive. What editor ever let that one pass across his/ her desk un-redlined? I have a lot of friends (and foes) of the opposite sex–comes with the male-dominated field in which I work (aerospace engineering). I’ve found that the key is to introduce my husband to the guys I work with, so that each of them can put a face to a name and/ or social designation. The same goes for him, as well (I know the women with whom he works). we have pictures of each other on our desks at work, as a visual reminder of how much we are in love and how we’ve chosen to spend the rest of our lives together. And when I say “chosen,” I mean exactly that: We came together as two free agents and equals who made a choice to spend the rest of our lives together as interdependent equals–not as each other’s possession.

And that patriarchal slut-remark? That’s just offensive. What editor ever let that one pass across his/ her desk un-redlined?

]]> By: Katie http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250687 Katie Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:21:47 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250687 While I have currently not been "involved-involved" with any of my male friends, I have kissed a few of them, and had short flings with others, much like my boyfriend has had with some of his female friends. I trust him completely, however, or else I wouldn't be dating him. Life is too short to mull over the every move of someone you love. He says he was somewhere; I believe him, and he does the same. He and I both know that what we have is strong and that the other isn't going to run off with someone else. If you have no trust, what kind of relationship do you really have? While I have currently not been “involved-involved” with any of my male friends, I have kissed a few of them, and had short flings with others, much like my boyfriend has had with some of his female friends. I trust him completely, however, or else I wouldn’t be dating him. Life is too short to mull over the every move of someone you love. He says he was somewhere; I believe him, and he does the same. He and I both know that what we have is strong and that the other isn’t going to run off with someone else. If you have no trust, what kind of relationship do you really have?

]]> By: Lester Hunt http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250610 Lester Hunt Tue, 04 Mar 2008 16:00:25 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250610 Hugo, I guess my view is somewhere between yours and Bleske-Rechek's. Yes there is <i>some</i> danger in my spouse having opposite sex, heterosexual friends. Yes, a small quantum of that hazard can come from the fact that friends can be very persuasive. But my spouse's growth -- and my own! -- requires the freedom to have friends, unconfined by my petty fears. I should accept that risk and live with it. As Nietzsche said, "Live dangerously!" Hugo, I guess my view is somewhere between yours and Bleske-Rechek’s. Yes there is some danger in my spouse having opposite sex, heterosexual friends. Yes, a small quantum of that hazard can come from the fact that friends can be very persuasive. But my spouse’s growth — and my own! — requires the freedom to have friends, unconfined by my petty fears. I should accept that risk and live with it. As Nietzsche said, “Live dangerously!”

]]> By: Stentor http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250580 Stentor Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:21:12 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-250580 On the other hand, I am still good friends with both of my exes (one even came to my wedding), and I pretty much agree with Hugo's post. On the other hand, I am still good friends with both of my exes (one even came to my wedding), and I pretty much agree with Hugo’s post.

]]> By: Hugo Schwyzer http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-249987 Hugo Schwyzer Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:53:50 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-249987 Bill, see here: http://hugoschwyzer.net/2005/06/09/some-reflections-on-male-female-friendship/ And, perhaps more relevantly, here: http://hugoschwyzer.net/2005/08/17/thoughts-on-closing-a-different-kind-of-door/ Bill, see here: http://hugoschwyzer.net/2005/06/09/some-reflections-on-male-female-friendship/

And, perhaps more relevantly, here:

http://hugoschwyzer.net/2005/08/17/thoughts-on-closing-a-different-kind-of-door/

]]> By: Funt Of A Thousand Faces http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-249979 Funt Of A Thousand Faces Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:49:23 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2008/03/03/my-wife-is-not-my-daughter-a-response-to-susan-brink/#comment-249979 I can't quite respond until I know one thing. Do either of you have friends that were once more than friends? In your case, I'm guessing no. I can’t quite respond until I know one thing. Do either of you have friends that were once more than friends? In your case, I’m guessing no.

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