Comments on: Hands, groomsmen, soccer walls

By: Antigone

Antigone — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 22:01:52 +0000

Hmm, I’ll have to think about it. The groom and best man will have swords, so I want it to not look funny.

By: Chad

Chad — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:15:09 +0000

Antigone, might I recommend a gentleman’s walking stick or cane? I saw this done at a wedding once (think Gene Kelly, not Charlie Chaplan) and it worked very well. Nice and stately and kept their hands occupied. Goes well even without the top hat.

By: Chad

Chad — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:12:40 +0000

Thanks for the post Hugo. I am going to be Best Man at a friend’s wedding so I will use this info to try to look better for the photos.

I also must agree, however, with the posters who think that hands clasped in front looks OK too. I do not immediately relate to the soccer analogy as I do not and have never played soccer, nor do I enjoy watching it, although I have seen enough to recognize the pose and it did make me smile.

My mom always used to discourage the hands clasped in front pose because she felt it looked like we were playing with ourselves. Not sure what this says about her psychologically, but it does make me think that what others think of any of these poses will be based in their experience.

That makes it awful tough to find the one “right” pose, as we all have different experiences.

Still, great food for thought.

By: Antigone

Antigone — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 15:32:19 +0000

At my wedding, we plan to give the guys something to hold as well, for parallelism. Haven’t decided WHAT yet, but I figure this way they’ll have something in their hands to fidget around. This is necessary, seeing as one of the groomsmen is my husband’s little brother, and he has ADD- it’s pretty necessary for him to have something in his hands to keep him focused.

By: The Gonzman

The Gonzman — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:36:46 +0000

Hands in front is just “at ease,” and a little less stiff, at least, then “Parade Rest.” I prefer it to a sloppy “at attention” posture.

By: Craig

Craig — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 06:07:56 +0000

Bah, I’ll stick with my “arms folded across the chest” posture. It’s the only one that looks at all natural on me (my arms are disproportionately long; left hanging, I look a bit like an upright chimpanzee), it matches nicely with my perpetual scowl, and has the bonus of making people less likely to pay attention, which is always a plus. Not, to head this off, because of any gendered gaze. That would require me to be attractive in some way. Rather, I’m merely introverted by nature and prefer hiding in plain sight, so to speak.

By: Hugo Schwyzer

Hugo Schwyzer — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 04:58:45 +0000

You may be right, Stentor — I suppose it conveys nervousness and awkwardness to me, but that may be because I was trained at such an early age not to do it.

Luis, a nice explanation of exactly how to do it.

By: Luis

Luis — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 17:53:38 +0000

Hugo — YES! Plus: How many weddings have I been in where I am the only groomsman who stands still? I can recall at least three where people commented on it afterward.

A sort of relaxed version of the good old military attention pose, that’s the ticket. Straight but not ramrod straight. Shoulders back enough not to hunch. Arms straight down. Middle fingers about in line with your trouser side ribbons (assuming you’re in a tux). And stand still. If what’s bothering you is being stared at, believe you me, you’re less likely to get noticed if you don’t shuffle around the whole time.

Interesting point about women and “the male gaze”. Not sure that really plausibly generalizes to being stared at by a whole crowd, though.

By: Stentor

Stentor — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:21:39 +0000

You’re going to have to explain better what’s wrong with it, besides “it looks like something from soccer.” I think hands clasped in front, hands at sides, or hands clasped in back are all perfectly decent-looking things to do. Perhaps this is just a random OKOP/NOKOP cultural difference?

As for the psychoanalysis that it’s some sort of “covering” of the genitals — that doesn’t explain the hands-clasped-behind thing, nor does it reflect my experience as a hands-clasped-in-front guy. If anything, I wish my arms weren’t just the right length so that my clasped hands land at my crotch.

By: Hugo Schwyzer

Hugo Schwyzer — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 15:27:59 +0000

Beste, the older guy in the middle nails it. You’re right, JW, it’s awkward. But it can be learned. A lot of it does have to do with a very serious issue: the male discomfort with being looked at. Women may be uncomfortable being stared at, but they are trained to be ready for that gaze much earlier in life.