“It’s directed, rather, towards those who have already formed an opinion and ask the question to have that opinion validated, then become petulant or angry should they receive a different answer than desired. The actual opinion of the questioned is irrelevant.”

What is wrong with offering validation? People ask for validation all the time from each other and sometimes it is less obvious than other times. I fail to see, why in this circumstance how offering validation could not be beneficial. I disagree that the actual opinion of the questioned is irrelevant and agree with Mythago’s point above.

Actually, I’m in a situation somewhat close to that: 1) my husband is overweight (he agrees, and actually feels more strongly about the weight issue than I do), 2) he’s diabetic, and has been repeatedly encouraged by his doctors to lose weight, 3) not so much the rapid fluctuation, but one complicating factor - the weight is partly within his control, by diet and exercise, but partly not so much, since he’s required for other conditions to take meds of which weight gain is a side effect - he may never be able to manage to get within that actually desirable weight chart range.

How I handle that: I ask him what he wants in the way of encouragement, and if he says, nag me about exercise, I do. So I’ve nagged him about exercise, eaten a largely diabetic friendly diet myself (and lost weight on it, but all that weight within the “normal” part of the weight charts), and kept foods out of the house that he’d find too tempting, but I don’t directly nag him about the diet part - he doesn’t want that from me, it would make me too much like his mother, and the diabetes doctor sees him regularly anyway and asks her own questions. Nor do I directly monitor his weight; he does that, and goes over it with his doctors. I will, though, ask, say, if he wants potato chips, whether he wants me to measure them on our food scale, or whether he’ll figure himself how much he wants. And go with his decision, whatever it is.

Why I don’t supervise beyond what he asks: it isn’t actually possible to make another person eat better; even if he could completely regulate himself to a normal weight (not sure that’s possible, given multiple chronic conditions and med side effects), I couldn’t watch him all day. So, focusing on the encouragement the other person actually wants and will listen to is more effective (as well as nicer) than hovering.

The actual opinion of the questioned is irrelevant.

Actually, the opinion is relevant. The problem is that the real question isn’t the one that’s being asked.

The distinction has less to do with being “thin” and everything to do with being “healthy,” though, and I know that body types and things of that nature are uncontrollable. The reason why I think a partner should assist another in such an endeavor (in a nice way, of course) is because we have to live with the results of healthy and unhealthy choices and habits our partners make, especially for those of us in for the long haul.

But that situation is, of course, rather specific.

Again, those aren’t the ones at whom the joke is aimed. It’s directed, rather, towards those who have already formed an opinion and ask the question to have that opinion validated, then become petulant or angry should they receive a different answer than desired. The actual opinion of the questioned is irrelevant.

“That cut isn’t very flattering on you.” The blame for the ill appearance falls on the cut of the garment, not on the garment wearer.”

I’ve been around a lot of people who routinely make unsolicited comments. Many of them mask competition, jealousy and a host of other issues under the guise of teasing. If you’ve been the recipient of such behaviors, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that occasionally they may want reassurance or ask someone who they feel that they can trust how an outfit or color looks. A friend the other day inquired why I didn’t say anything about her haircut (when it was cut too short and was unflattering). Her hair had grown out and I told her that I preferred it better as it was softer and more flattering. She asked why I didn’t tell her that I didn’t like it. I responded that I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying it like that, as I thought it mean-spirited. Besides other issues she was going through were far more important to comment on than an unflattering haircut.

No more such comments in this thread, thanks.

This isn’t any different than a male student telling a female professor that everyone in the class stares at her breasts. I felt uncomfortable just reading that.