My wife and I went to a lovely wedding this afternoon; Melissa, our personal assistant and “chinchilla nanny”, married her long-time sweetheart. We had a wonderful time at both the service and reception, but watching the wedding itself, I was reminded of something I’ve meant to blog about for a while.
It’s a strange aspect of the acculturation of the American male that most men end up with no idea what to do with their hands when they are standing still. I’ve been to dozens and dozens of weddings in my life; in most of them — particularly those with large numbers of groomsmen — the lads all end up standing with their hands firmly clasped together in the pelvic region They look like soccer defenders preparing to guard against a free kick; they look, every time, ridiculous. Most of them have enough sense not to put their hands in their pockets, though I do sometimes see that as well. The bridesmaids didn’t have to worry, as is customary in American weddings, they all had bouquets to hold and keep their hands occupied.
Here’s something I learned in theater classes when I was ten years old: as awkward as it feels, it’s perfectly okay to stand still with your hands resting gently by your sides. It “feels” strange, but it looks much better than the “soccer wall” look. No hands in pockets, no hands clasped, no fingers pinching the outside trouser seam. No “gunslinger” look either, with the arms at the sides but the hands a couple of inches away from the hips. (President Bush is guilty of this.) Stand up straight, don’t hunch your shoulders, take a stance just a little bit less wide than your shoulders, and keep those hands still, apart, and just slightly open. No one’s gonna fire a ball into your testicles, boys, relax.
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