One of my favorite feminist blogs is Trish Wilson’s eponymous site. I don’t always agree with her, but I’m often forced to reflect as a result of visiting her corner of the blogosphere. She has a fine post today on white men and feminist consciousness, and I recommend it highly.
It is through Trish’s blog that I learned about a new British women’s magazine called Scarlet. It advertises itself as “Sex, shopping and style — a new concept in women’s magazines”. (The link is to a page that is safe for visitors, though I imagine that when the magazine actually appears on-line, it will be too racy for me to link to.) The magazine’s press release is here.
Here’s how the magazine’s holding page advertises itself:
Have you ever looked at a bloke in bed next to you and thought ‘Can’t you just go home now?’ Or maybe you’ve moved in with your bloke and are wondering where your sex life has gone? Or you could be quite happily single and in a committed relationship with your Jessica Rabbit.
If any of these sound like you, then you’re a Scarlet woman; you know what you want and you’re determined to get it. You like shopping, hanging out with your mates and (good) sex, and you know that real sexual confidence is as much about saying no as saying yes.
Scarlet is a magazine that celebrates women. We know that all women are gorgeous if they feel gorgeous, and that any woman can pull if she knows the right tricks. And if she wants to…
Being a Scarlet Woman is about attitude, not looks. It’s about being fun, fearless and feisty. And Scarlet magazine aims to satisfy every part of you. You’ll find intelligent sex advice, features with a real women’s sense of humour and horny stories to help you get your rocks off.
I hope that merely quoting that wasn’t offensive.
My former pastor and dear friend Scott Richardson always said that when presented with something new, he would respond with a “Yes”, a “No”, and a “Hmmm.” That’s exactly my reaction upon reading the promotional materials for Scarlet.
Here’s my “yes”:
I can give an enthusiastic “amen” to anything that says real sexual confidence is as much about saying no as saying yes. That’s a point that young women (and sometimes not so young women) need to hear, over and over and over again. It’s a point that even Christian conservatives need to think more deeply about. I’ve known more than a few Christian men (and women) who thought that while a woman should only say “no” before marriage, after marriage she gave up her right to that short monosyllable! The “right to say no” is not abrogated by marriage or past history.
Our sexualized consumer culture often tells young women that “no” is a word of timidity and conventionality, while “yes” is a word of courage and empowerment. That’s one of the more insidious lies out there. Especially when we are discussing young women eager for attention, validation, recognition and love, “no” is frequently a word that requires far more guts to utter. I’m quite pleased that Scarlet magazine gets that much.
I’ve got another “yes”. Scarlet magazine seems likely to fall into a tradition of journalism aimed at reminding young single women that it is okay to be single, that having a committed relationship with a man is not the only way to enjoy life fully. Feminism is committed to the idea that women can be complete, just as they are, even without a partner. Where Scarlet and I differ is over which behaviors in the single state are truly liberating, and which are simply acts of immaturity and selfishness.
Here’s my “no”. Scarlet asks:
Have you ever looked at a bloke in bed next to you and thought ‘Can’t you just go home now?’ Or maybe you’ve moved in with your bloke and are wondering where your sex life has gone? Or you could be quite happily single and in a committed relationship with your Jessica Rabbit.
I’m not saying “no”, women don’t feel this way. I don’t deny that some women can enjoy a promiscuous lifestyle to the degree that men do, though I do think that those women will be in a permanent minority. More basically, I am saying “no” to the idea that for either men or women, this is a healthy way to live. I am also convinced that these feelings are generally red flags. It is a cliche that after a one-night stand, men don’t want to cuddle, they want to go home (or have their partner go home). It is certainly likely that a fair number of women feel the same way. But the fact that women not only behave as men do but feel the way that men do about that behavior is not cause for celebration! Wanting someone with whom you have just been intimate to “go home” is almost invariably a sign that your own soul is deeply uncomfortable with what just happened. Inthe aftermath of sex, what we really want most (and this is both chemical and theological) is to remain close to the person with whom we just shared the experience. Of course, if we don’t know the person (or don’t like them), we will find it far more difficult to snuggle and cuddle and fall asleep with them; we are more likely to want them gone so that we can soothe ourselves.
I note that in its promotional material, Scarlet puts two powerful “s” words together: sex and shopping. The latter presumably does not refer going to the market to buy butter and beans. “Shopping” here almost certainly refers to clothing, jewelry, and accessories designed to please and flatter the self. “Shopping” is about the hunt for inanimate objects whose only purpose is to delight the buyer; folks obviously don’t care about how their new dress “feels” about being purchased. The publishers of Scarlet, borrowing a tactic from men’s magazines, seem intent on presenting sex (and thus other human beings) in the same commodified light: sex is about receiving for the self alone. Hugh Hefner tied sex together with the consumer lifestyle for men decades ago; it is not progress of any sort when women celebrate the fact that they do the same.
My final “no” is to the notion that Scarlet is proposing anything new. Take a read through Helen Gurley Brown’s 1962 Sex and the Single Girl, and the connections among crass consumerism, ambition, and sexuality are just as blatant as in Scarlet magazine.
My “hmmm” lies with the genesis of the magazine, and with my credibility to make comments as well. Here’s an excerpt from the press release:
Publisher Gavin Griffiths is no stranger to sex magazines. Previously running the Erotic Review, he saw a gap in the market for a young and funky sex title for women:
“I realised that there was no mainstream publication catering for sexually adventurous women. I started chatting to Emily Dubberley, veteran of the female sex market, and it rapidly became clear that we could put together a magazine unlike any others currently out there, and offer women what they really want.”
Love it. I guess Gavin and I are both in the same boat. Both men with a professional interest in women’s issues, both reasonably certain that we can “offer women what they really want.” I think Gavin is offering women what they often choose to settle for, while I imagine he thinks he’s offering them genuine fulfillment. But in the end, neither of us is a woman. Hmmm.
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